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The Waves of Emo come crashing doooooowwwwwwwnnnnn
14 years ago
And this weeks adventure is......
Hey; guess what!? This is a post about me wallowing around in self pity. It happens when I get left alone and start thinking too much. What've I been thinking about? What I'm doing with my life of course.
Well...not quite. but sort of? It's complicated. Complicated like algebra.
Basically I'm an engineer-in-training. But its not what I really want to do with my life. If you had asked my childhood self If he wanted to be an engineer; he'd say something like "nawwwww I wanna be a Pilot".
Guess who's inner child never grew up? Unfortunately being a pilot is hella expensive to start, and thats why I took the engineering training....because its PROFITABLE. or was. Then Government BS happened and now things aren't looking as good for me anymore :(
Back to the point; I don't know if I really approve of what I've been doing with my life. That sort of realization is devastating to the average persons mind, but until now I've just sort of shrugged it off and went "eh, I'll figure it out when I get there". But now I'm in the last year of college, IE "there", and I still don't know where I'm going. Shit.
Now between eternal family hatred, people around me falling to the depths of emo and depression, and my utter confusion of life's goals...... Yup, feeling lost with my life. Not feeling like I really have any substantial to my name worth living for. Then someone slaps me and says I'm talking dumb-like. Which I know I am, which is the worst part of all. I've been strictly emo hatin' all my life, and now I'm falling into the exact same trap. A real "becoming what you hate most" nightmare.
But still, My weekend was made up of playing Bioshock 2 and some D&D. This is not how I should be living my life, not when I know the real part of life is just at my fingertips. Its like I don't enjoy anything anymore, and my existence is a series of shades of grey.
I should change this. Maybe hobo it up for a week or something. I dunno. Anything for a change would be good. I just have a pure and absolute hatred for what my life has become. And thanks to all of the emotional trauma that was my childhood, I've developed that magic shell of not displaying emotion very well. bad combination.
If you think there's a prize for going through all my paragraphs of me being emo, I'm sorry but there isn't. sorry. nothing but the recognition of that I have problems. Soooooo...I don't know; go feel good about doing your daily amount of reading for the day?
Well...not quite. but sort of? It's complicated. Complicated like algebra.
Basically I'm an engineer-in-training. But its not what I really want to do with my life. If you had asked my childhood self If he wanted to be an engineer; he'd say something like "nawwwww I wanna be a Pilot".
Guess who's inner child never grew up? Unfortunately being a pilot is hella expensive to start, and thats why I took the engineering training....because its PROFITABLE. or was. Then Government BS happened and now things aren't looking as good for me anymore :(
Back to the point; I don't know if I really approve of what I've been doing with my life. That sort of realization is devastating to the average persons mind, but until now I've just sort of shrugged it off and went "eh, I'll figure it out when I get there". But now I'm in the last year of college, IE "there", and I still don't know where I'm going. Shit.
Now between eternal family hatred, people around me falling to the depths of emo and depression, and my utter confusion of life's goals...... Yup, feeling lost with my life. Not feeling like I really have any substantial to my name worth living for. Then someone slaps me and says I'm talking dumb-like. Which I know I am, which is the worst part of all. I've been strictly emo hatin' all my life, and now I'm falling into the exact same trap. A real "becoming what you hate most" nightmare.
But still, My weekend was made up of playing Bioshock 2 and some D&D. This is not how I should be living my life, not when I know the real part of life is just at my fingertips. Its like I don't enjoy anything anymore, and my existence is a series of shades of grey.
I should change this. Maybe hobo it up for a week or something. I dunno. Anything for a change would be good. I just have a pure and absolute hatred for what my life has become. And thanks to all of the emotional trauma that was my childhood, I've developed that magic shell of not displaying emotion very well. bad combination.
If you think there's a prize for going through all my paragraphs of me being emo, I'm sorry but there isn't. sorry. nothing but the recognition of that I have problems. Soooooo...I don't know; go feel good about doing your daily amount of reading for the day?
I'm looking forward to trying to start Gokatimavik though.
Now all I gotta do is get about $325 togather...