It's not often that there are enough events in my life to actually make it hard for me to even gather my thoughts on it all, but well here I am. There's a couple things, some nice, some interesting, some sad, but the most important thing is my first real experience with death as an adult who really grasp the finality of it.....A month ago we got news that my grandmother had suffered a heart attack. We headed up to Maine as soon as we could.

For the first day, it was extremely unsettling to see her all wired up to tubes and unable to speak, only to stare at us. Ont the second day, I realized the silence was better...the only things she would say were "help me". Monday, well, she was moved into a separate room, and that evening I gave her a kiss goodnight and that was the last time I'll ever see her...

death is really strange. It's hard to grasp the concept of a person...just not being there anymore. It makes you think *allot*. I've never felt anything like that before. It makes you feel helpless, but also like you want to be a bigger person.

Grandmas memorial service is next week, It's probably going to hard to be at the actual service but it is a beautiful way to get together and celebrate how much someones touched your life. I had a lot of fun with grandma growing up. baking deserts, reading stories, playing at the beach. Sadly in more recent years she wasn't as mobile or healthy so we couldn't really do much baking together, but I still enjoyed her company.