Just after attempting to complete my Calculus I assignment, which the professor claims is nothing more than 'basic algebra', I am really questioning my major and more importantly, my future.

I was only able to solve 1 problem out of the 5 and at that, my grades aren't so high at this time and it is only a month into the semester. Who ever said I need to take Calculus III as part of my major with computer sciences deserves a death worst than imagination can describe, because programming really is NOT that math orientated (it helps, but jesus christ, the device is doing the processing!). I am also hearing on how many companies are dropping IT staff and a large assortment of other technology related jobs and with that, my feels on what I am doing are also dropping.

I have been doing programming in various languages for a long time (2012 will mark 10 years of programming for me since I began, 15 if we include DOS batch scripting) and have received a few awards for the skill (SkillsUSA 2nd Place New Jersey for Computer Programming; Computer Information Award from Sussex VoTech; Certified by some stupid unknown company that I don't know off hand) and this brick wall of a subject (Calculus) is really having me question if I truly know what I am doing. I do not know much of anything else and feel that pursuing another subject would be completely useless. My feelings for going to college are also dropping at a rather rapid rate the more I am in it, with some professors questioning why I am in the college in the first place (The obvious ones who don't are any professors I have for the maths). I also feel that even if I moved to a better college (say, NJIT) that my likely hood of running into the same problem would also occur as well.

My other issue is that I know I cannot stop going to the college unless I want to observe the wrath of my parents first hand. It has made doing my work all that more miserable as they keep insisting I get a real job and quit my current one due to all the issues that come up about it. Though deep inside I truly dislike the actions in place, I am happy, if not grateful, for where I work and the benefits that derive from that. I live in an area where getting a job is almost out of the question (I apparently don't even qualify for a job at Walmart) and to blend that with college life would be impossible. If I try to explain to my family about my job, the only 2 individuals who I can state have a basic understanding of what I am dealing with are m cousin and sister. My father has a rough understanding but keeps saying I can do more things with my job than what is actually possible. My mother feels that the job is unstable and that I should seek out another job as soon as I can.

In the end, I really am just unsure where my future is going. I truly question if I am just sitting on a hilltop over-viewing a raging fire, and the match that started it is just behind me.

-Flame