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Meh.. Warning: Depressing rant journal
14 years ago
I'm so tired.. And depressed.
I just feel like something inside of me was torn away.. Have you ever had that feeling? I don't know what it is, but all te sudden I have this hollow feeling inside of me. I know by instinct something changed, even though I don't know exactly what it is.
I just feel sad and ready to break down and cry myself to sleep. I've had no sleep in the past few days and it's wearing me down.. Whatever this feeling is, I just want it to stop. The only way I can describe how it feels is that feeling after a horrible breakup. That empty hollow feeling. I hate it so much. I don't know why I had this feeling all of the sudden, but it's just making me wear out faster than I already am.
Hopefully the Art Jam later today will cheer me up and seeing my mates again on Sunday.. But this pit in my chest won't leave me alone..
And my at home situation isn't any better either.. I need to get out of this house fast. I feel threatened in my own house because of my mom's damn boyfriend. I really wish I can call the police on him, but I don't want to risk getting my mom's heart broken again and I don't want her to feel torn.. I hate that I feel so trapped in my own home. He keeps stepping over me and being passive aggressive about things and that's seriously putting a huge amount of stress on me. I want to get out of here.
And my tablet's pen isn't working, so my only means of stress relief is now gone and I'm unsure of what to do.. For some reason the pen just responds out of whack when it contacts the tablet, the pen is like, everywhere on the screen and the pen pressure sensitivity is gone. I don't know what to do..
I know this is a rant journal guys, and I am so sorry for whoever is reading this. I really should rant things like this in the open, but I needed to get it off my chest. Right now, I'm just listening to depressing songs that I use to listen to years ago :/
If anyone knows Elliot Yamin 'Wait For You' and Nsync's 'Gone' that's what I'm listening to.. I don't know why I suddenly remember them, but they were always my favorite songs to listen to.. It sounds weird but sad songs somewhat cheer me up for some odd reason..
I just feel like something inside of me was torn away.. Have you ever had that feeling? I don't know what it is, but all te sudden I have this hollow feeling inside of me. I know by instinct something changed, even though I don't know exactly what it is.
I just feel sad and ready to break down and cry myself to sleep. I've had no sleep in the past few days and it's wearing me down.. Whatever this feeling is, I just want it to stop. The only way I can describe how it feels is that feeling after a horrible breakup. That empty hollow feeling. I hate it so much. I don't know why I had this feeling all of the sudden, but it's just making me wear out faster than I already am.
Hopefully the Art Jam later today will cheer me up and seeing my mates again on Sunday.. But this pit in my chest won't leave me alone..
And my at home situation isn't any better either.. I need to get out of this house fast. I feel threatened in my own house because of my mom's damn boyfriend. I really wish I can call the police on him, but I don't want to risk getting my mom's heart broken again and I don't want her to feel torn.. I hate that I feel so trapped in my own home. He keeps stepping over me and being passive aggressive about things and that's seriously putting a huge amount of stress on me. I want to get out of here.
And my tablet's pen isn't working, so my only means of stress relief is now gone and I'm unsure of what to do.. For some reason the pen just responds out of whack when it contacts the tablet, the pen is like, everywhere on the screen and the pen pressure sensitivity is gone. I don't know what to do..
I know this is a rant journal guys, and I am so sorry for whoever is reading this. I really should rant things like this in the open, but I needed to get it off my chest. Right now, I'm just listening to depressing songs that I use to listen to years ago :/
If anyone knows Elliot Yamin 'Wait For You' and Nsync's 'Gone' that's what I'm listening to.. I don't know why I suddenly remember them, but they were always my favorite songs to listen to.. It sounds weird but sad songs somewhat cheer me up for some odd reason..
I can also relate to the home situation. My father is a complete asshole, he bashes everyone anytime they do ANYTHING he doesn't like. My mother has been out of work since she had spinal surgery to remove a cyst (She had been having back issues for months and was unable to work due to the pain) and he calls her worthless to her face. He bashes me for who I am and says I don't do enough even though I just gave my mom $1.4k to cover her insurance so she wouldn't have to pay her medical bills in full. What has he done? Fuck nothing.
Anyways, didn't mean to turn that into a rant. But hun, if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, I'm always just an IM away. *hugs* I hope things start looking up for you soon.
You can always talk to me <3
hope you feel better, hun