I wake up in the morning after getting the kinda sleep medical interns get, very sporadic. getting up i look at the shower wanting to get clean before school, but i dont have time i throw on a halfway stylish outfit and catch the bus that takes me an hour away from home to my private school.

i walk into the school and the first thing that happens is someone runs up to me for advice, (at my school im known as the person to go to if you need to vent)

mind you these vents are usualy about parents not being fair, some stupid drama at school that shpuldnt matter and be resolved by very very simple means. (very petty things) ive always held the idea that people are entitled to feel the way they do because you can never put a label of distress on others problems, lately however i feel like that line has been blurred significantly.

you need to understand that until i came to this school, i had a rather rough life, i was jumped many many times for being that one kid, the one whos open about liking boys and girls, the man who pays to much attention to his cloths and looks and many more reasons. after being jumped i learned the ropes i learned to rely uppon myself and become independant learn to take care of myself physically and emoionaly. ive seen some bad things and ive done bad things. ive learned to be thankful for the freinds i had, for the things i got, for my education... its so different for me .. coming from a school where i had to fight literally fight flesh and tooth to keep myself safe, to come and be treated like an object and not be able to get lost in the crowd



at this school, every day i deal with kids who beg there parents for iphone 5's instead of an i phone 4, people who cry in the hallways because they want pure attention, it confuses me sometimes and stresses me out, the behavior has goten bad enough that of the 85 kids at my school 20% will start drama, make up rumors, or have some other sort of issue.
part of it is from lack of sleep the other is from dealing with so many other issues that the little things start getting to me. they will lie about killing themselves, i know people who have been through that and its not okay to lie about, theyll lie about having diseases , cancer ect ect ive known a girl who died from cancer she was 14 you dont lie about that, they will lie about cutting .. i did cut, and still have thought about it i have the scars to prove it DO THEY ? NO

day after day i sit and listen to these kids helping and consoling them trying to help them lead better lives and what do i get ????? i get backstabbed by most of them, they step on me like im there for them an them only, the teachers at the school have become throughly convinced that im a dramatic queen as one of them stated and that i have an issue getting "involved" when all i try do is help people who ASK for my help
you know i dont care if you dont listen to my advice .. ive got my own problems to deal with, ive got issues at home, ive got to keep a close eye on where i go in town because i still have enemies the feeling of having to carry a knife where you go.. havign to know how to hurt someone is not something i take pride in im just scared, not as much anymore but the scars are there , ive got real freinds back home, enoughs enough if these kids dont want to listen to good advice then fine.
but dont yell at me if you dont like what you hear dont spread rumors behind my back, dont use me to fill your ego and to get what you want

im tolerable and kind but i have my limits, i can be angry i can BE human, i feel as if im just an object or a tool for people at this school, and i shouldnt have to feel like that but its day to day to day

if anyone who has reaqd this has ever been used before used and forgotten about used and unnapreciated im sorry, im there right now <3


im sorry if this has been rather vauge at points, its difficult to get the pain down into writing, and to keep a coherent thought pattern streaming. and difficult talking about my past.