Normally, when I write, I carefully consider my words, revising them numerous times before being satisfied. Normally, I can keep my thoughts focused properly so that my words clearly and succinctly express my thoughts and feelings. Normally, I can keep it altogether and at least feign some semblance of control and poise.

But normal ended for me when I found out my mother has advanced cancer.

We don't know where it started; we don't know everywhere that it is now except that it is in her liver and 'should be' other places based on test results. We don't really know how long she has 'officially' but she' seems to be deteriorating pretty quickly. We don't really know what to expect--nor when to expect, and I am having to arrange certain things that I thought I wouldn't even need to think about for decades.

So, I just wanted to ensure my friends understood why, at times, I might not seem to be acting quite 'normal' as of late. I might not choose the right words to express myself and I might not choose the best ways either. There's a lot of frustration, sadness, and helplesmess (and not the good kind) here and I apologize if I'm not the best company right now. And sometimes there's just nothing left for me to give at the end of the day. I just feel awful that I often don't have enough of myself left to give to my friends here.

That being said, however, please don't think that I want to just be left alone--no, I need everyone's support even more now than before! Just allow me to apologize in advance if I seem distant or unresponsive at times; I assure you that I'm glad you're there.

Thanks for your understanding and care.

Update: We've learned that she 'officially' has just a few months, but that might even be optimistic at this point. : (