... really?

this feels surreal... unreal...

... god... the feelings are weird... all bundled in my chest >..> between such a huge supporter of the fandom (especially for dragons)... i do believe this is the first time i've run into a "death scene" since my maw v..v

feels like my heart's ripped out >..> and personally, i dont truly know why?

I know. It's not fair at all.

i think i've got some unresolved issues... i'm feeling bad for athus... i guess for "not knowing him" i know him "rather closely" compared to the normal fur. i've done some interaction with him in the past, couple chats, know some of his family (Altenia- was a passing friend back when for a while.) and we were rather similar. for one.. he's but a couple years older. not by much. yet was already big in the fandom for the longest. i was like.. 13/14 at the time. he was but 15/16- must have started about my age, also... maybe earlier

but he was a "true fur" more akin to how i view things, i suppose. from the first day i heard about Athus-- he's made nearly no change to his 'sona at all. he took his fur self not as an alter-ego ("fursona" as it's known) but... as him. his real self, one to be integrated within the real world. not true 'sona at all. but instead a real self.

his spiritual beliefs also aligned more like mine.

but.. all in all... i guess more then most i feel a kinship due to similarity... but the fact my heart actually feels likes being ripped out of my chest... feel deeper then it should. too deep.

i just think i've got some unresolved issues... makes sense, i suppose, however.