FA+
Shop
one of those days
14 years ago
Im not feeling terrible like I was last time I posted a journal like this...but still not feeling all to happy with my life.
I really need a job, I feel more fulfilled when I do something with my day. I also hate having to work at my dads because its like he gave me that job and he is struggling to keep it up. It's so close to going under...none of us know what we are gonna do when that happens, and my mom keeps forcing my dad to give her more money. It's almost like does she not realize what she is doing to him? Is she that stupid? Then we have my little brother who misses school all the time and on top of that he is a super senior. He wakes up late I go in to his room "Hey Tyler shouldn't you be in school?" "Yeah, I woke up late and I don't feel to good." That is complete bull shit I didn't fucking feel good half the time I went to high school, BUT I STILL FUCKING WENT! So instead he stays home to smoke weed all day. I'm not against smoking, but be fucking responsible with it. if your gonna smoke then do it before class and then go to class, or don't do it on a school night. This is the source is just a tiny fraction of my depression/anxiety. It used to not be like this it started about a year ago when I was doing stupidly shitty in all my collage classes. I really need something to keep me occupied or this could start getting really bad, to the point where I will just sleep all day and never do anything with my life. I don't wanna end up like that.
I'm excited for my dad to move in on Nov,1st he seems to be the only thing that is relatively good at cheering me up. I feel like when spending time with him I actually get stuff done or accomplish something. Maybe it's my mom and brother making me feel this way. I am no 100 percent sure that is the problem, but both of them are slackers. Don't take responsibility with anything and they are both drug addicts my mom is an alcoholic as well. I can't even tell when they are sober anymore. My mom even neglects going to the doctor for her monthly check ups after she got diagnosed with breast cancer. I am worried about her, but at the same time I feel like she is weighting me down. I am happy that she is gonna be out of the house, but I am also nervous what if she OD's like a year ago and no one is there to find her. I just hope every thing works out in the end.
Also if you didn't read through that whole thing I understand. Its long and probably depressing.
I really need a job, I feel more fulfilled when I do something with my day. I also hate having to work at my dads because its like he gave me that job and he is struggling to keep it up. It's so close to going under...none of us know what we are gonna do when that happens, and my mom keeps forcing my dad to give her more money. It's almost like does she not realize what she is doing to him? Is she that stupid? Then we have my little brother who misses school all the time and on top of that he is a super senior. He wakes up late I go in to his room "Hey Tyler shouldn't you be in school?" "Yeah, I woke up late and I don't feel to good." That is complete bull shit I didn't fucking feel good half the time I went to high school, BUT I STILL FUCKING WENT! So instead he stays home to smoke weed all day. I'm not against smoking, but be fucking responsible with it. if your gonna smoke then do it before class and then go to class, or don't do it on a school night. This is the source is just a tiny fraction of my depression/anxiety. It used to not be like this it started about a year ago when I was doing stupidly shitty in all my collage classes. I really need something to keep me occupied or this could start getting really bad, to the point where I will just sleep all day and never do anything with my life. I don't wanna end up like that.
I'm excited for my dad to move in on Nov,1st he seems to be the only thing that is relatively good at cheering me up. I feel like when spending time with him I actually get stuff done or accomplish something. Maybe it's my mom and brother making me feel this way. I am no 100 percent sure that is the problem, but both of them are slackers. Don't take responsibility with anything and they are both drug addicts my mom is an alcoholic as well. I can't even tell when they are sober anymore. My mom even neglects going to the doctor for her monthly check ups after she got diagnosed with breast cancer. I am worried about her, but at the same time I feel like she is weighting me down. I am happy that she is gonna be out of the house, but I am also nervous what if she OD's like a year ago and no one is there to find her. I just hope every thing works out in the end.
Also if you didn't read through that whole thing I understand. Its long and probably depressing.
Deathblow_6
~deathblow6
Sounds like you have a lot to deal with, I hope all that shit works itself out.
KaiMonster
~kaimonster
OP
I hope it does too. I found that writing a list of goals for the next day helps. Well at least I hope it will. Made me fee better when I wrote the list ^^
