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still not feeling well
14 years ago
I am still not feeling all to...joyful. I mean I got the job a Pier One, my dad is moving back in 10 days, I ate well today, I have 2 commissions being worked on by some of my favorite artist's, but still I am up set. Only this time it's about me ending up with a profession/job I hate for the rest of my life and what if I am never happy with my self. I want to do something creative as a profession but I am really not good at any of it. I would love to be a writer, Im terrible at grammar. I would love to be a fashion designer, I can't do super technical sewing. I would love to be a musician, can't even play an instrument (well i can but its one I hate). I would love to draw and paint, Im no good at things like anatomy,proportions, and prospective. I hope one day...preferably sometime soon so I can stop feeling like this. I feel useless and absolutely hopeless when I can't do something I love.
Then there is my self worth issue which is on a whole different level. Lets start. I always think I smell bad so I usually don't let people hug me or touch me. Even though people tell me I smell fine. My skin has a multitude of issues. Sometimes it's overly oily but still has dry spots, I get acne here and there, I always feel like its worse then every body says it is. I am soft and squishy...not really fat, but I was not built thin or muscular, just average. My height I am stuck in the middle at 5'6 Some times I want to be taller sometimes I wish I was shorter. I don't feel like I am worthy of peoples affection and love, someone better than me deserves it. I am a slacker and I don't give a lot of things 100 percent. Things or people that should get my attention don't because a lot of the times I am blind to obvious things. Some times I feel like Im a horse with those blinders. I can't see around me I can only see ahead. I am so scared or what is ahead of me though. My hair gets greasy fast so I don't let people touch it unless I am right out of the shower. I...just don't know the list can go on and on.
thanks for listening to more of my crap.
Then there is my self worth issue which is on a whole different level. Lets start. I always think I smell bad so I usually don't let people hug me or touch me. Even though people tell me I smell fine. My skin has a multitude of issues. Sometimes it's overly oily but still has dry spots, I get acne here and there, I always feel like its worse then every body says it is. I am soft and squishy...not really fat, but I was not built thin or muscular, just average. My height I am stuck in the middle at 5'6 Some times I want to be taller sometimes I wish I was shorter. I don't feel like I am worthy of peoples affection and love, someone better than me deserves it. I am a slacker and I don't give a lot of things 100 percent. Things or people that should get my attention don't because a lot of the times I am blind to obvious things. Some times I feel like Im a horse with those blinders. I can't see around me I can only see ahead. I am so scared or what is ahead of me though. My hair gets greasy fast so I don't let people touch it unless I am right out of the shower. I...just don't know the list can go on and on.
thanks for listening to more of my crap.
you are an awesome person ;U;
*hugs you*
dfghjkl/wants to help and hug you
AND BBY U ARE PERFECT ;u; I do also have mah self worth issues but your friends love you the way you are and that's just fine, because you WERE BORN THIS WAY and I'm not trying to be funny here ;A; *kisses cheek*
IUWAEHOWKJEDNILAUDCBOMG LOL *hugs* we still need to get this msn problem solved lawl QQ
Maybe I will spend the day playing megaten idk tho hng ILU SEXYBBY *dry humps*
ffffffff oh you <3 *hugs back* aww yes ....;A; I dunno why it won't work QAQ sdfghjk/bricked
nyaw...what's megaten... D8 *GLOMPS* ILU2 MAH CUTIEPIE/noms dat delicious you omnomnom *lelele* oh bby <3