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Ugh.. Crying.. (Warning: Rant Journal)
14 years ago
I know y'all are sick of me posting Journals probably, but I just need to get this off of my chest.
This is personal life stuff. So yea, maybe tmi stuff in here idk. I'm not thinking straight right now and my eyes are just sore and red from crying. I honestly don't seem like the type, but I cry so damn much over the smallest things.
I've noticed lately, from reading old text messages on my iPhone, Yahoo IMs, MSN, Skype and the like in which I converse with other people, I just feel so used
I don't mean this for everyone I talk to, but there were just certain people that basically only talk to me when they want something from me :/ I try my best to see the best in everyone, but I just know that's only killing me inside. I've always been the type of person to get walked all over as a kid, but to feel that feeling of helplessness now when I'm nearly freaking 20... I just don't know anymore :c
I question the people who I believe just use me when they need something or other services. They're my best friend one moment where I can confide things with them and then the next moment, they don't even pay attention to me and ignore.
-sighs- Maybe I'm just a needy person. I don't know.. It scares me to death to ever lose a friend or just someone to talk to. I don't mean this personally, don't take me wrong. I have a lot of great friends I know I can trust,
DannyDumal, 
Mightcoon, 
Nitsukiaoi, my soulmate 
Pimsi and my packmate plus others but it's just the feeling of being abandoned I can't stand. I have abandonment issues. I know that. I stay up late into the night just thinking about what happens if so-and-so just disappeared? It frightens me.
There are a few people I can think of that I feel like I'm losing them, but I can't say it outwardly. Like I said earlier, we can be talking for a fewdays like best friends and then days, weeks on end of never hearing back from them even when I send 1 or 2 hellos to check on themto see if they're okay :c
I like being affectionate. It just makes me feel a little better about myself just thinking of curling up against someone, laughing, smiling, doing whatever. There are just certain people I wish I can rekindle that with but it's gotten to the point where it's just.. Not happening anymore like it used to :c
I need to stop thinking.. It just makes things worse. I should sleep now.. At least I'll be with my packmates later today and hopefully I can forget all the thoughts that started this journal in the first place..
This is personal life stuff. So yea, maybe tmi stuff in here idk. I'm not thinking straight right now and my eyes are just sore and red from crying. I honestly don't seem like the type, but I cry so damn much over the smallest things.
I've noticed lately, from reading old text messages on my iPhone, Yahoo IMs, MSN, Skype and the like in which I converse with other people, I just feel so used
I don't mean this for everyone I talk to, but there were just certain people that basically only talk to me when they want something from me :/ I try my best to see the best in everyone, but I just know that's only killing me inside. I've always been the type of person to get walked all over as a kid, but to feel that feeling of helplessness now when I'm nearly freaking 20... I just don't know anymore :c
I question the people who I believe just use me when they need something or other services. They're my best friend one moment where I can confide things with them and then the next moment, they don't even pay attention to me and ignore.
-sighs- Maybe I'm just a needy person. I don't know.. It scares me to death to ever lose a friend or just someone to talk to. I don't mean this personally, don't take me wrong. I have a lot of great friends I know I can trust,
DannyDumal, 
Mightcoon, 
Nitsukiaoi, my soulmate 
Pimsi and my packmate plus others but it's just the feeling of being abandoned I can't stand. I have abandonment issues. I know that. I stay up late into the night just thinking about what happens if so-and-so just disappeared? It frightens me. There are a few people I can think of that I feel like I'm losing them, but I can't say it outwardly. Like I said earlier, we can be talking for a fewdays like best friends and then days, weeks on end of never hearing back from them even when I send 1 or 2 hellos to check on themto see if they're okay :c
I like being affectionate. It just makes me feel a little better about myself just thinking of curling up against someone, laughing, smiling, doing whatever. There are just certain people I wish I can rekindle that with but it's gotten to the point where it's just.. Not happening anymore like it used to :c
I need to stop thinking.. It just makes things worse. I should sleep now.. At least I'll be with my packmates later today and hopefully I can forget all the thoughts that started this journal in the first place..
seriously blue berry wafflesIt's a sad fact of life that people like you and me get walked over all the time.
I hope you end up feeling better, and can get your mind off these feelings, even for a little bit, when you are with your packmates.
Anyway, I'm sorry you feel this way, it's not a good feeling and I wouldn't wish it on anybody.
I hate using/being used by people so I know where you're coming from...
It sucks when people leave, it really does, because we can't stop them from leaving and when they do they take a little piece of us with them. When someone feels like they are drifting away, you can try to rekindle the friendship/relationship, but if you are the only one keeping it alive then let it go. Say goodbye to them with a smile and not fear or tears. Focus on the people you KNOW you can count on, that won't leave you. Guard your heart carefully, don't leave it in the hands of 'acquaintances' or even 'friends' only the BEST friends/mates/family.
We love you Haru and we hate to see you sad. *hugs* Please feel better soon <3