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To a friend
14 years ago
General
Alby, you may never actually read this, but I leave it with the universe.
We were friends for years. And I remember most of it being a happy and enthusiastic friendship. Was any of that real? I would like very much for it to have been real. I know friendships sometimes end, and it's okay if they end on good terms. But you were afraid of me, and you felt guilted by me and harassed by my hellos, and I didn't even know this. I always tried to be honest and treat you right and care about your feelings and not give you frivolous moments of drama, and I tried to support you where I was able. I miss the friend I had. But I also miss being allowed to remember my friend well, without wondering if any of the friendship was ever real at all, and without being asked to erase it from my mind.
It's okay for me to have wanted to know what happened to you, and to try to find out. It's okay to have and show emotions that are an appropriate reaction to the situation. It's not a crime to have friendship misunderstandings, or to have to immediately drop everything for offline matters to attend to. It's okay to be bored from time to time. It's okay to have friends who sometimes aren't in the mood for games. It's okay for you to be you. It's okay for me to be me too. It's okay, with at least an attempt of appropriate treatment, for you to be bipolar and for me to be autistic.
But there are also things that aren't okay to do. It's not okay to mislead a friend about the status of your friendship. It's not okay to play hostile pranks, especially on someone who acts in good faith. It's not okay to kick someone when they're down. And it's not okay to beguile someone who has no guile. I don't know why you chose to be so hurtful, when there were options that were gentler and more honest. I wonder if it was because of your condition, and you couldn't help it. I'd like to believe you really were my friend, and just couldn't handle me anymore, and were gripped by factors beyond your control. I'm very loyal, and I prefer forgiveness.
I guess, in at least one way, I'm not very complicated at all - I like my friends, I'm loyal to my friends, and I miss my friends when they go away. And if it's no longer in the cards for us to be friends, I can live with that. But I need an end to the hostility and the fear, and I want to negotiate an amicable estrangement on peaceful terms. Perhaps that may be too much to ask you. But it's not too much to want. Not for one of the longest and most cherished friendships I ever had - that is something that can never be erased from memory.
- Dermot
We were friends for years. And I remember most of it being a happy and enthusiastic friendship. Was any of that real? I would like very much for it to have been real. I know friendships sometimes end, and it's okay if they end on good terms. But you were afraid of me, and you felt guilted by me and harassed by my hellos, and I didn't even know this. I always tried to be honest and treat you right and care about your feelings and not give you frivolous moments of drama, and I tried to support you where I was able. I miss the friend I had. But I also miss being allowed to remember my friend well, without wondering if any of the friendship was ever real at all, and without being asked to erase it from my mind.
It's okay for me to have wanted to know what happened to you, and to try to find out. It's okay to have and show emotions that are an appropriate reaction to the situation. It's not a crime to have friendship misunderstandings, or to have to immediately drop everything for offline matters to attend to. It's okay to be bored from time to time. It's okay to have friends who sometimes aren't in the mood for games. It's okay for you to be you. It's okay for me to be me too. It's okay, with at least an attempt of appropriate treatment, for you to be bipolar and for me to be autistic.
But there are also things that aren't okay to do. It's not okay to mislead a friend about the status of your friendship. It's not okay to play hostile pranks, especially on someone who acts in good faith. It's not okay to kick someone when they're down. And it's not okay to beguile someone who has no guile. I don't know why you chose to be so hurtful, when there were options that were gentler and more honest. I wonder if it was because of your condition, and you couldn't help it. I'd like to believe you really were my friend, and just couldn't handle me anymore, and were gripped by factors beyond your control. I'm very loyal, and I prefer forgiveness.
I guess, in at least one way, I'm not very complicated at all - I like my friends, I'm loyal to my friends, and I miss my friends when they go away. And if it's no longer in the cards for us to be friends, I can live with that. But I need an end to the hostility and the fear, and I want to negotiate an amicable estrangement on peaceful terms. Perhaps that may be too much to ask you. But it's not too much to want. Not for one of the longest and most cherished friendships I ever had - that is something that can never be erased from memory.
- Dermot
Not for saying exactly what you said.
Not for anything explicitly involving the relationship spoken of within this post.
Not even for any specific wording.
Just for showing that we can be who we are and still give the courage to write how we truly feel and share it publicly, even if it would easily go against anything we feel is natural.