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Being known
14 years ago
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I'm not cut out for it. I'm not cool. It's literally THAT simple.
I think every time I have ever actually tried being "cool" I fucked up and came off as an asshole, only to later worry incessantly that I made a bad decision and really feel terrible about it all. It's the same thing with being social. Anytime I try to step up, get to know someone, or try and reach out, it ends with me feeling silly or forced or downright creepy. It's not at all comfortable. :/
Yet every-time I sit quiet... nothing happens, GOOD things happen. All my friends I've met through other people, and all my best friends talked to me first. This has led me to.. shrivel up socially I guess. I can talk and function well enough to those around me, and I've made friends at college already. But again, they started the conversation first. Otherwise I'm literally too scared to ever open up outright. :c
If it were socially acceptable, I would carry my stuffed panda around with me everywhere to hide behind most of the time. But even then I feel like I do that now, sitting in corners and generally trying not to be noticed as much. I want to reach out to more people in the fandom, and so far the internet is the exception to the rule, but I still feel like I'm going to fuck up in some serious way like I always do.
Maybe that's why I'm an artist.. picture books are much more friendly then conversations.
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I'm not cut out for it. I'm not cool. It's literally THAT simple.
I think every time I have ever actually tried being "cool" I fucked up and came off as an asshole, only to later worry incessantly that I made a bad decision and really feel terrible about it all. It's the same thing with being social. Anytime I try to step up, get to know someone, or try and reach out, it ends with me feeling silly or forced or downright creepy. It's not at all comfortable. :/
Yet every-time I sit quiet... nothing happens, GOOD things happen. All my friends I've met through other people, and all my best friends talked to me first. This has led me to.. shrivel up socially I guess. I can talk and function well enough to those around me, and I've made friends at college already. But again, they started the conversation first. Otherwise I'm literally too scared to ever open up outright. :c
If it were socially acceptable, I would carry my stuffed panda around with me everywhere to hide behind most of the time. But even then I feel like I do that now, sitting in corners and generally trying not to be noticed as much. I want to reach out to more people in the fandom, and so far the internet is the exception to the rule, but I still feel like I'm going to fuck up in some serious way like I always do.
Maybe that's why I'm an artist.. picture books are much more friendly then conversations.
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real life in any sort of the way. Maybe in furry with my cubs, but that's about it.
I think you're more than cool, and I'm really looking forward to getting to know you and Kitsuno even better.
Thank you for the input. :)
Don't ever worry about trying to impress ryan and I with social skills, were just as awkward too, And we love you for who you are. Don't ever be afraid to stop by and hang out :D
I find it helps to have a social activity to do with people. That lets me get to know them without it feeling quite so forced and intentional. Lately that's been playing board games, but lots of different things work.
*hugs*
Be good, little one.