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Someone should kick me
14 years ago
And this weeks adventure is......
Copy And pasted from my other place of wordsmithing. Just in case people have been wondering why I'm being all angsty lately
Short story: I'm failing my life right now. by my standards. probably a few others as well. School marks are basically made out of 3 things: Tests, Assignments, and Lab reports. 2 of these things are accomplished on my own time, usually at home.
guess what hasn't been getting done?
It's like...I can't focus while at home. at all. Too much noise. Too much drama. People always doing things. the fact that I have a lot of distractions isn't helping whatsoever. It's not entirely my fault...But I can't pass off all the blame either. I think I'm failing some of my courses, and I'm not even inspired to try and fix it. I've never felt this...ummm...bad(?) before in my life. Its half depression, half not-giving-a-shit, and %100 nonproductivity.
"Move out"
Those words ring eternally in my ears. Like its the end-all solution to my problems. It won't. It'll stop a few, and make others: like how I can't afford it. I can cover it for a month..and then...what? Canadian winters have this thing for sucking.
"just don't go home until you have to"
Thats been my current course of action for the past few weeks. Then I discovered an unpleasent problem: turns out i am in fact organic, and need to eat every once in a while. and mr noodles can only hold me off for so long.
I have finally discovered the lose-lose-lose situation. What the hell am I supposed to do about it? More importantly, do I even care? My existence feels monotonous and pointless. Which to me personally, means my life just isn't worth living. No this is isn't a faintly veiled attempt at grabbing sympathy from people. I don't care for people's words unless they have tangible meaning. I just want to keep a record of how my life is going, perhaps one day to look back and go "man I was an idiot"
And right now that record is spelling out how much I feel like I'm wasting my life right now, I can't bring myself to do anything productive, but I'm locked into trying anyway. I have 3 assignments that were already due, and none of them have even been started. This is bad even for my procrastination. and its like "should I even bother starting them?" honestly unless I can find some decent place to study or something, I'm probably going to fail a class somewhere. And on that note, my best work period in the past month took place in a mcdonalds. yeah my life is messed.
Short story: I'm failing my life right now. by my standards. probably a few others as well. School marks are basically made out of 3 things: Tests, Assignments, and Lab reports. 2 of these things are accomplished on my own time, usually at home.
guess what hasn't been getting done?
It's like...I can't focus while at home. at all. Too much noise. Too much drama. People always doing things. the fact that I have a lot of distractions isn't helping whatsoever. It's not entirely my fault...But I can't pass off all the blame either. I think I'm failing some of my courses, and I'm not even inspired to try and fix it. I've never felt this...ummm...bad(?) before in my life. Its half depression, half not-giving-a-shit, and %100 nonproductivity.
"Move out"
Those words ring eternally in my ears. Like its the end-all solution to my problems. It won't. It'll stop a few, and make others: like how I can't afford it. I can cover it for a month..and then...what? Canadian winters have this thing for sucking.
"just don't go home until you have to"
Thats been my current course of action for the past few weeks. Then I discovered an unpleasent problem: turns out i am in fact organic, and need to eat every once in a while. and mr noodles can only hold me off for so long.
I have finally discovered the lose-lose-lose situation. What the hell am I supposed to do about it? More importantly, do I even care? My existence feels monotonous and pointless. Which to me personally, means my life just isn't worth living. No this is isn't a faintly veiled attempt at grabbing sympathy from people. I don't care for people's words unless they have tangible meaning. I just want to keep a record of how my life is going, perhaps one day to look back and go "man I was an idiot"
And right now that record is spelling out how much I feel like I'm wasting my life right now, I can't bring myself to do anything productive, but I'm locked into trying anyway. I have 3 assignments that were already due, and none of them have even been started. This is bad even for my procrastination. and its like "should I even bother starting them?" honestly unless I can find some decent place to study or something, I'm probably going to fail a class somewhere. And on that note, my best work period in the past month took place in a mcdonalds. yeah my life is messed.
Never back down
If need be i could let you study in my basement. I promise not to pester you :p
Guess what there's room for it now! :D
What bothers me is for once I can't handle the metric shit tonne. which in itself is depressing. Leading to further depression and angst and a constant cycle of "OMGIHAVESOMUCHSHITTODO" in the words of of someone else. A cycle That can't be broken until I ragequit something and lose marks; or I whip out a dangerous amount of caffeine/energy drinks (that I don't drink).
and guess who's poor!?!?