I doubt anyone will bother to read this much less respond to it but I just need to talk. Things have been rough a lot lately since mom got sick.

Well dad is finally back to work which is good, but these last few days have been worse for me,. My oldest has been sick, to the point she hardly gets out of bed, she is vomitting and so on. She normaly has been staying with my parents, long story there, but let's just say due to her being so sick and my mom having cancer I want her here. I dont want my mother catching anything if it can be avoided. Due to the cemo and stuff she has no way to fight infections. At first my dad was ok with this...but Jas (my oldest for those who dont know) hasnt been able to go to school this entire week. Took her to the doc on Monday and called them yesterday since if anything she seems worse.

Well all they say is she will get over it, push fluids ect ect....I know that already but I am scared sick about her. Well my dad has been calling the school to let them know and everything, and calling here every morning and afternoon/night to check on her. So he calls this morning, i miss the call because I am in the bedroom checking on her. I cant hear my phone too well in the bedroom, and I left my cell out in the main room. He tried to call both...So i come back out here and call him. Instantly he starts snapping at me.

Again for those who dont know, my dad is harmless but terrifies me due to my PTSD, He ended up putting me in tears, though i did the best I could to hide it, he doesnt need more stress with mom so sick....

I tell him Jas still isnt well, and he starts bitching baout htat, how she cant keep misisng school, I agree with that but the school doesnt want a kid there if they have vomited within the last 24 hours, which she has been. He knwos this....So I jsut let him yell, wasnt much else i can do. Then he goes on and accuses me of not helping, not doing naything jsut alot of shit. Well he then starts saying its her pill thats making her sick, which I doubt. Not saying it isnt possiable but still.she has flu like sytoms, even the docotr said it was a virus.

So I finally mange to get off the phone with him, in tears fully at this point. Thankfully she is still sleeping and doesnt know he went off on me so bad. To make matters worse, he also snapped at me for needing to pick up my son and take him to be baby sat while i go do an appoiment that was changed on me after I told my son's dad I would pick him up and watch him...... So its not good there either. its going ot cost me gas i dont have. Right now I have 10 dollars to my name and have to drive to hsi school, my appoiment and my moms where my aunt is gonna watch him for me. That will easly kill 10 bucks in gas.

Now if that all wasnt bad enough, on top of that, my cable is being shut oiff in about a week since i have no way to pay it, which means there goes my phone and net. Also I am due to make a 45 minute trip each way tomorrow for an SSI hearing.i am disabled, again for anyone who doesnt know.I deal with PTSD, depression, anxiety and a blood clotting disorder which caused perm,ant nerve damage. I have been fighting for SSI for about 18 months now. I dont think I am going ot be able ot get htere, since i wont have any gas and cant ask my father for money much less to take me........

So yea i ma really freally fucking stressed out right now. Sorry for my long ass rant, it just helps me sometimes ot feel better to rant......

Hopefully everyone is having a much better day than I am.

Lilly/Ririsu