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On Love...
14 years ago
Wot de boz teenks...
A Friend... A Really Good Friend, I should say, hit some trouble with a boyfriend. It kind of stirred up some feelings of my own that I've been meditating on while at work today.
If these statements are awkward, imagine being in my slippers and writing this.
I've heard a lot of cliches at times. One of the worst ones has been 'if you love something, you have to let it go.' I've always wondered why this is the case and I've always torn myself apart when thinking about it. Does it mean that I should push people away? Does it mean that I should hold as tight as I can for as long as I can until I know I've lost? Does it mean that the only way to love someone is to be passive?
I think I found the answer when I met up with Kame. He's special to me. I like him a lot and, well, I don't want to lose him. Hell, I may as well just out and say I'm in love with him. I don't know whether its filial, sexual, or whatever, but I do love him in a way.
All I really know about my love for kame is that it hurts. It hurts when I think about him having RP with someone else. Hell, it hurt when I thought of him drawing for someone else for a while. As I've come to understand it through meditation, crying, and a bit of prayer a lot of that was jealousy. It might not have even been love at first, it might have just been me mooching off of an artist. But, well, something was there and it grew. I held my tongue and spent time with him and I know I adore him in some way.
I think the reason I love him in the way I do is because I told myself I didn't. I wasn't looking for love and I'm still not, it just kind of appeared. I'm still jealous at times, but I know its jealousy. I was only able to figure that out by stepping away a bit and saying that 'if this is love, then it should be enough that he is happy.' And when I thought about it, he was and is happy, and that's been enough for me because that knowledge is enough to make me happy.
It's not for everyone, but... it's worked out for me. Maybe the key to love for me is simply saying 'okay' and stepping back for a bit and letting people be who they are. If I love someone and do that, maybe that someone who honestly loves me back might return one day. It'll be kind of a recognition by both parts that the other means something. Maybe that'll be true love for me.
Or maybe it'll at least be a start?
--
Edit: Okay after a slew of people going "Are you okay?" online, I better clarify. This journal is not saying I'm sad or bawww. This is me trying to help out a friend or anyone else having a hard time with love because, honestly, it's tough. Love is introspection as well as extrospection, in my mind, and sometimes it helps to see that someone else has gone through something, maybe not similar, but at least has gone through an emotional time.
SO YEAH, THE MANDER IS FINE PEOPLE xD
If these statements are awkward, imagine being in my slippers and writing this.
I've heard a lot of cliches at times. One of the worst ones has been 'if you love something, you have to let it go.' I've always wondered why this is the case and I've always torn myself apart when thinking about it. Does it mean that I should push people away? Does it mean that I should hold as tight as I can for as long as I can until I know I've lost? Does it mean that the only way to love someone is to be passive?
I think I found the answer when I met up with Kame. He's special to me. I like him a lot and, well, I don't want to lose him. Hell, I may as well just out and say I'm in love with him. I don't know whether its filial, sexual, or whatever, but I do love him in a way.
All I really know about my love for kame is that it hurts. It hurts when I think about him having RP with someone else. Hell, it hurt when I thought of him drawing for someone else for a while. As I've come to understand it through meditation, crying, and a bit of prayer a lot of that was jealousy. It might not have even been love at first, it might have just been me mooching off of an artist. But, well, something was there and it grew. I held my tongue and spent time with him and I know I adore him in some way.
I think the reason I love him in the way I do is because I told myself I didn't. I wasn't looking for love and I'm still not, it just kind of appeared. I'm still jealous at times, but I know its jealousy. I was only able to figure that out by stepping away a bit and saying that 'if this is love, then it should be enough that he is happy.' And when I thought about it, he was and is happy, and that's been enough for me because that knowledge is enough to make me happy.
It's not for everyone, but... it's worked out for me. Maybe the key to love for me is simply saying 'okay' and stepping back for a bit and letting people be who they are. If I love someone and do that, maybe that someone who honestly loves me back might return one day. It'll be kind of a recognition by both parts that the other means something. Maybe that'll be true love for me.
Or maybe it'll at least be a start?
--
Edit: Okay after a slew of people going "Are you okay?" online, I better clarify. This journal is not saying I'm sad or bawww. This is me trying to help out a friend or anyone else having a hard time with love because, honestly, it's tough. Love is introspection as well as extrospection, in my mind, and sometimes it helps to see that someone else has gone through something, maybe not similar, but at least has gone through an emotional time.
SO YEAH, THE MANDER IS FINE PEOPLE xD
