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Friends Are Better Than Me
14 years ago
General
I look up to my friends. A lot. Also, jealous and unworthy of them.
Some of them work out and are so in-shape it's crazy.
Some of them are wildly intelligent and pursuing school far past where I managed to get.
Some of them are just plain wise.
Some of them are unbelievably brave.
Some of them are personable and make friends and form close bonds that I could never share.
Some of them are highly successful and earn lots of money.
Most of them are a combination of several of the above.
I'm none of these.
That's been getting me down here, lately. I've had an intense aversion to talking because of it. I've been trying to force myself to keep talking to people but it's tough. So I kinda just feel like I needed to let everyone know all at once why, y'know... like if you've felt I've ignored you or brushed you off or been acting more awkward than usual. Kind of been reflecting a lot on myself lately.
Yeah, I know you're not supposed to compare yourself to other people but still, I should be able to find SOME baseline good quality about myself. I just always come up empty.
Some of them work out and are so in-shape it's crazy.
Some of them are wildly intelligent and pursuing school far past where I managed to get.
Some of them are just plain wise.
Some of them are unbelievably brave.
Some of them are personable and make friends and form close bonds that I could never share.
Some of them are highly successful and earn lots of money.
Most of them are a combination of several of the above.
I'm none of these.
That's been getting me down here, lately. I've had an intense aversion to talking because of it. I've been trying to force myself to keep talking to people but it's tough. So I kinda just feel like I needed to let everyone know all at once why, y'know... like if you've felt I've ignored you or brushed you off or been acting more awkward than usual. Kind of been reflecting a lot on myself lately.
Yeah, I know you're not supposed to compare yourself to other people but still, I should be able to find SOME baseline good quality about myself. I just always come up empty.
ya know what you can do?
you can make people happy.
and that's all anyone ever needs to do.
Solution:
if there is something that you want, make the change needed to achieve the change.
<3 You're a lot better than you think. Then again, I t end to feel the same way about myself.
I'm sorry.
>Some of them work out and are so in-shape it's crazy.
Yeah, I can think of 2 absolutely hotter than I am that I'd almost pay them to be see mostly naked with me. With optional photos safe enough for posting to Facebook… I'm pretty certain there's a couple more. And there are some I'd like to meet regardless of looks. And some less fat than me but I like the belly too (so you can take heart).
>Some of them are wildly intelligent and pursuing school far past where I managed to get.
I'm a dropout. Incomplete in my first semester. HS Diploma only. Didn't even break much above C average (in HS), either.
>Some of them are just plain wise.
If wise=old fartiness, OK I got lotsa that. If it means knowing good ideas and having good adice, FFFFFFFF that's a hoot.
>Some of them are unbelievably brave.
Not effing me. I faint. At my own blood getting drawn for a test. Even when I'm not looking. Or when I am. Doesn't help either way. I startle easily. Fraidy-cat.
>Some of them are personable and make friends and form close bonds that I could never share.
I wish I felt strongly with people. I'm trying to get there with Chark and you a bit… have someone in Washington I met via FurryMUCK and visited a couple years ago. Aside from that, I'm so effing isolated and without anyone where I live, just an 82-year-old mom.
>Some of them are highly successful and earn lots of money.
Unemployed, scraping and I mean scraping to pay for medications and food and personal expenses on Social Security.
>Most of them are a combination of several of the above.
Owns to be them. I still think a fully-fledged life teeters on the brink.
>I'm none of these.
I don't remember scoring a full point; did I? I don't remember stuff too well for I can't sleep - no pill or machine fixes my sleep apnea.
So I think we both get the sucky life thing. What's suckier is there's no ultimate balance for life sucking or not, because human suffering isn't a force that unbalances the Universe. As soon as it all since the beginning of the species weighs a whole gram, they'll do something about it. I have it on the highest authority.
you forgot to put me on your list of awesome things ;P I dont fit any of those lol
you on the other hand have so many amazing qualities. you make me so happy when you talk to me..actually talk to me, and not just the "hey *tongueflick* ~~silence~~" you've brought many smiles to me and its because of you that i get up some days. also why other parts of me get up some days >.>;;
*smooches your cheek* you've no reason to feel bad about yourself, you're a wonderful man who just hasn't found his footing in the world yet.