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I use the female restroom.
14 years ago
It's a mundane task, going to pee. Most of you get up, go to the bathroom, and come back. It's simple, easy, and done without a single thought as to how
it should be done; Unless you're wearing diapers or something. But it's a big procedure for me, for a couple reasons. When you're out and about in public
while wearing clothing that isn't what is normally defined for your gender, you get stares. It's normal and I don't care as much as my old self-conscious
self used to. However, when your in an intimate setting, like the restroom, it's ridiculously embarrassing to have people stare or make faces or what have
you.
So now I'm stuck. I COULD use the one family restroom that's located... fuck, I don't even know. So plan B works pretty good. Walk up 4 stories of stairs
and use the unoccupied (most of the time) part of my tech building. Excersize... yaaay.
But now comes problem two. Suppose there is an alotted amount of people up there. I have a 10 minute break period and walking up those stairs and
across a very big building leaves no time for trying to find a new one. This leaves me with two very uncomfortable decisions, hold and leave for an hour or
more during class, or go in. The latter makes me walk in hoping no one will see me, or at the least be in a stall. If not.. well.. I can't really describe the
emotions I have. It's a cross between rampant embarrassment and constant worry of what they are thinking. No, I shouldn't care, going to the fucking
restroom should not make me depressed. But it does.
it should be done; Unless you're wearing diapers or something. But it's a big procedure for me, for a couple reasons. When you're out and about in public
while wearing clothing that isn't what is normally defined for your gender, you get stares. It's normal and I don't care as much as my old self-conscious
self used to. However, when your in an intimate setting, like the restroom, it's ridiculously embarrassing to have people stare or make faces or what have
you.
So now I'm stuck. I COULD use the one family restroom that's located... fuck, I don't even know. So plan B works pretty good. Walk up 4 stories of stairs
and use the unoccupied (most of the time) part of my tech building. Excersize... yaaay.
But now comes problem two. Suppose there is an alotted amount of people up there. I have a 10 minute break period and walking up those stairs and
across a very big building leaves no time for trying to find a new one. This leaves me with two very uncomfortable decisions, hold and leave for an hour or
more during class, or go in. The latter makes me walk in hoping no one will see me, or at the least be in a stall. If not.. well.. I can't really describe the
emotions I have. It's a cross between rampant embarrassment and constant worry of what they are thinking. No, I shouldn't care, going to the fucking
restroom should not make me depressed. But it does.
Our society has created different categories for gender, and what's expected in each of them. You are trying to break those boundaries, and as such, you will be noticed. It's how you choose to deal with that, that's the problem, right?
I would suggest to try and stay comfortable with yourself and the decisions you make. Otherwise people will start to get to you, and those stares will become louder. If someone says anything detrimental, try not to take it as a personal attack. Remember, people are afraid of 'different' and you'll most likely get talked to for using that bathroom at some point, if you're caught. It's not wrong to use a bathroom for girls only, and I think that's where some of the hesitation or guilty feelings may be coming from. You feel that the social constructs in place should prevent you from going in there, and that's the way other people feel too. It's just a bathroom after all.
It's not about what they think, it's about how you feel.
my personal life. but it's still there. That icky, horrible, feeling that can only be reached by a few. I don't let it encase me, hence why I'm still using the girly's bathroom regularly, but sometimes
it's just reaaaaalllllly annoying to have to hesitate when I walk in.
And it doesn't help that I'm shyer than a 2 year old. >.>
I'd just like to say that I admire you for your courage for how you want to live. It's gotta be very hard to be accepted in a situation like at a school... regardless if it's an open minded place or not.
I admire that you still press on despite that 'icky feeling' and anxiety... even though I think you're entitled to use the girl's restroom because of your gender-decision. Ultimately only YOU know how, or WHO, you want to live as.
I hope my little comment makes sense. I think you're a beautiful person.
I find it really stupid that we even still have mens and womens restrooms, as if it was some sort of "cootie prevention" or that a door that says "women" will keep girls safe from a rapist. But it's clearly not gonna end anytime soon, if ever. All you can really do is psychologically train yourself.