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Present
14 years ago
General
I'm still here.
I appreciate the comments regarding my artwork. I keep attempting an intelligent reply, and then putting it aside.
Things aren't getting better. They're closing off and shutting down. It's partially external, and it's partially a spiral trap. It costs money to go out and have fun, it costs money to fix things or buy new things to replace the broken ones, I've none coming in, so I isolate myself. Isolating myself is bad, but I really just don't feel like making the effort to gear up to a happy state and socialize. On the rare occasions when i do get a job interview, I'm still broadcasting all that. There is no simple fix, there are a few, very long, very boring, very tedious fixes and I do not hold up well under marathons when I face constant failure and setbacks. One step forward, one setback, back.
I wonder how civilians in warzones handle it. I wonder if being adrift on the ocean would be more or less relaxing. At least it would avoid the almost weekly trips I seem to have to make to some government office, for something.
The nursing home is difficult, because it seems to require constant attention to get Mum the care she needs. It's almost worse than when she was at home, because now I have to meatpuppet and manage arguing women through the institutional structure. My remaining cat was looking very sick for a week, but she seems to be doing better now.
it's all in my head. Yes, all of it. The artwork, the stories, the hopes, the dreams and the rather oppressing and discouraging reality. I'm told a lot of journals and blogs end with 'sorry I haven't been here lately, I'm going to make an effort to do more'. I'm not going to bother saying that. Consider this another derelict storefront on the pastiche of your experience. It might get better, aliens might land, don't expect either. My computer is broken, my health is broken, my life is broken. At some point I realized I was avoiding my sketchbooks MORE than I was avoiding lawyers, and bureaucracy and paperwork and standing in line, or going to a nursing home where dementia patients scream all the time.
So, closed for the time being, looters will be shot.
I appreciate the comments regarding my artwork. I keep attempting an intelligent reply, and then putting it aside.
Things aren't getting better. They're closing off and shutting down. It's partially external, and it's partially a spiral trap. It costs money to go out and have fun, it costs money to fix things or buy new things to replace the broken ones, I've none coming in, so I isolate myself. Isolating myself is bad, but I really just don't feel like making the effort to gear up to a happy state and socialize. On the rare occasions when i do get a job interview, I'm still broadcasting all that. There is no simple fix, there are a few, very long, very boring, very tedious fixes and I do not hold up well under marathons when I face constant failure and setbacks. One step forward, one setback, back.
I wonder how civilians in warzones handle it. I wonder if being adrift on the ocean would be more or less relaxing. At least it would avoid the almost weekly trips I seem to have to make to some government office, for something.
The nursing home is difficult, because it seems to require constant attention to get Mum the care she needs. It's almost worse than when she was at home, because now I have to meatpuppet and manage arguing women through the institutional structure. My remaining cat was looking very sick for a week, but she seems to be doing better now.
it's all in my head. Yes, all of it. The artwork, the stories, the hopes, the dreams and the rather oppressing and discouraging reality. I'm told a lot of journals and blogs end with 'sorry I haven't been here lately, I'm going to make an effort to do more'. I'm not going to bother saying that. Consider this another derelict storefront on the pastiche of your experience. It might get better, aliens might land, don't expect either. My computer is broken, my health is broken, my life is broken. At some point I realized I was avoiding my sketchbooks MORE than I was avoiding lawyers, and bureaucracy and paperwork and standing in line, or going to a nursing home where dementia patients scream all the time.
So, closed for the time being, looters will be shot.
I'm not sure how I'll manage when it's time for my mother or father to go to the nursing home. Hrrrf. :/
meanwhile,. we're here for you. as much as we can via the internet.
good luck with jobs and stuff, and best wishes regarding your mom.
also, hey, you're still taking care of your mom! it's not too common these days anymore, alas. you're stronger than you think.
proscht.
I would recommend taking walks when you can spare the time.
--Onni
It is the ones I can't, that remain. The ones I don't know how to attack, the ones tied to chains, the ones where my weapons do no damage. The ones that do not fall down. The universe will keep placing in your path the obstacle that you can't overcome, until you do, but there is not much recourse if you can't, and can't go around.
Still need to watch that movie.
My situation is better, but my coping and mental state hasn't improved much.