Before I begin the story, I would like to say that anything with a "(" and ")" between it is inner dialog that Clyde and I are having during the story so you know what were thinking. It goes Clyde with Bold text then Me with Italic text.

If you look in my recent favorites (with all his porn) theres a recently added flash animation called "Seduction". Its about a 13 year old boy and his 22 year old babysitter, he spent so much time with her she became a member of his family. One day his parents left and she need to baby sit him over night. I shouldn't ruin the rest of the story but the reason why the journals called "Love, Hate, and Alcohol" is because the story of love reminded me of a woman I loved. (Before Brandi) The womans name was Marci, and no Lulu Im not talking about the Marci that we went to high school with.

It was April of 2003, 10pm and Im walking one of the dogs (It was Annie McLovin). I walked passed a house with the window open and the curtains pulled back. This wasn't unusual, I'd just take a quick peek from the sidewalk and continue my merry way. This house was different, the window that was open was a bathroom window and inside was a slender woman bathing. I quickly hid behind the tree in her front yard and turned the corner, I watched for 20 minutes then she stepped out. She was beautiful, a slender, soft, mid-twenties brunette with just a towel on. I waited till the coast was clear and I walked home. I felt happy for once...

The next day walked the dog again at the same time, I walked passed the same house to see if she was their. As fate would know it, she was their showering just as beautiful, just as safe and secure as if she didn't have a care in the world. I still watched, and this went on for an entire year. Sometimes I would hop in the tree and wait for her to get in the shower and on occation I would shake the branch or something to make it sound like an owl or other animal was in the tree. I remember I walked into the yard and crouched down by the window and watched her closely, she say me, I ducked and crawled away thinking this is the end of this simple joy.

The next day the Catholic Church was having their annual "Parish Festival" a small event were theres games for the kids and garage bands can play for free. I went their with my older sister Holly and her Husband (Thom or Dan McLovin? Shut up Clyde, I cant remember but I think it was Thom.) and then I saw her talking to a couple of her friends and drinking some wine. I lurked in the crowds watching her from a bench. Eventually she sat down to eat some food and I sat across from her scared, my heart raced, my face was sweaty, and I was striken with Rigamortis. She looked up and said, "You look pale, you should get a soda or a funnelcake before you pass out. I wouldnt want you to pass out tonight *Said with a sneer on her face.*" I realized she knew I was watching her and I became wide eyed thinking I was in trouble. No she look at me and said, "I left the window open on that day a year ago on accident but when I realized somebody cared enough to watch me I always left it open until I knew whom they were. It been so long since a man has cared about me enough to sit down and have a conversation and not sex." I asked her how someone couldnt love her for who she was and not just her appearance. Eventually I had to go home, we swapped numbers and I told her, "Call me anytime, I dont mind talking to you."

Later that night while I was standing outside her house she yelled my name. I went to the window and she said, "Come in, I dont you to be alone out there in the cold. I crawled in the window and she continued to shower as I sat there in the bathroom floor as she bathed herself, she bathed in the most erect way possible to tease me knowing I would grab her. Over the next three years we learn much about each other. We were there for each other when the other one was sad. All those cherishable moments are some of the only things that I have in this world, besides my friends. The day before my 17th birthday (She was 28 at this time, dont forget to mention that McLovin. Thanks Clyde. Dont mention it Fuck-O) she told me something I'll never forget. She said, "Come to my house tomorrow at our usual time because I have a present I made especially for you." I thought since she was a jeweler she made a jeweled friendship ring to seal our friendship forever.

I went to her house at the usual time 10pm and I unlock her door went in and sat on the couch waiting for my gift. Wether I got it our not I didnt care, I'd love her the same way. She yelled from her bathroom, "I didnt realize you got here Im sorry come here I need your help." I walked in and just as usual she was preparing for her bath, but this time it was different. She said, "You seen me naked before and we know eachother enough you wouldn't mind." I responded with, "Wouldn't mind what?" She started to step in the shower and said, "To shower naked next to me, so we can see eachother for what we are. You and I have know eachother for 4 years now and its not molestation if your willing." I slowly unbuttoned scared to the point were I couldn't hold the button to undo my pants. She grabbed me and told me its okay and proceeded to undo my pants and undergarments. (Holy Shit McLovin, are you writing a lifes tale or a really good erotic novel. Clyde Im warning you, I will hurt you and when I mean you I mean us.)

I hopped in the shower and we bathed eachother for what seemed a lifetime, a lifetime of pure happiness and passion. We left the shower and put on our towels and dried off. She went to her bedroom then she called me in, she layed there in a black and pink laced panties and said, "Lay here right next to me, I want to feel our heart beats in line." My heart skipped more beats than usual but I could resist I layed next to her and we cuddle listening to eachother reminesing of our days and then she asked the question, "Your a passionate man who has give me so much, but are you a passionate lover as well?" I looked at her silenced and eventually made a sound. We removed our close and she got on my belly. (McLovin, theres 14 year reading this do you think we should be talking about this infront of them. When did you turn into a model fucking citizen, last I checked your the one that got us banned from the Starbuck at Barnes & Nobles, Fazoli's and PAWSRU.ORG. There plenty old enough to hear about sexual relations, Infact they need to know about sex at age 10 so they dont become teenage moms and dads because they were uneducated. Now Shut the fuck up Clyde and let me finish this god damn story!)

We had the most passionate sex any man or woman has experienced, we finished and I fell asleep in her bed. My parents did not know of the relationship with her and that I snuck out everynight to be with her. She woke me up at 4am when and told me to get back to my house before my parents discovered I was missing. I went to school that day with my head held high, giving all of my friends and teachers more respect than before. I walked home thinking, "Today was a good day, I had sex for the first time with a woman I had an actual bond with and not a total stranger. I think things are turning around for me."

That night I went to Marci's house but her lock was changed. I knocked, and banged the door but no one was home. I called her multiple times, but she changed numbers. I looked outside her house everyday but no car and no furniture inside. She left me and never said goodbye (No McLovin dont cry hold it in! Ah shit I cant help it, she was the first girl we ever truly loved and she left us. Why, why, why ,WHY We gave her everything, and she left us without, a goodbye, a message, nothing just a broken heart. Maybe thats why I hurt people? She left us and I guess I take the anger out on others. Im sorry McLovin finish the story... )

I began to slowly change, my friends family and teachers could tell. Their once cheerful, sober, and chipper Trevor slowly turned into a Gloomy, Depressed, and sometimes buzzed Sack of Crap. I drank coffee every morning before school and in class to keep energized but I started putting more and more alcohol in it to calm my nerves and to try to seem as chill as possible. My grades slipped, they went from A's and B's to B's thru D's. I was never happy or motivated enough to do anything. It took me 11 months to get over it.

Well thats the end of my story, this was a true event that happened. Also theres something to be learned from this. If you truly love someone, never let them go. If you do let them go though, tell them and dont just leave them to drown in a sea of depression and pity. I wish she told me goodbye before she left, all I want is to see her one more time to tell her how I felt and to only ask why. This is the longest journal I've ever written and I hope everyone on my watch list learned something from this. I love comments so leave them in the comment section below.