it's really easy to blame everything on other people. i always balk at the idea of trying to pass personal responsibility onto others; i take care of my shit. i try to live according to myself, and accept that things that go wrong for me are usually my fault.

when i was ridiculed for the things i drew, namely furries and silly animals, i started drawing things i was less interested in, that came to me less naturally. this is a good thing in that it taught me to expand, but a bad thing in that now i was drawing only to impress others and put forward a false image of myself. my art didn't bring me joy anymore, and i stopped caring about it. i would crank out a piece every once in awhile, to show people i was still going, but my existence as an artist was hollow- i wasn't improving.

then, when my life became emotional & financial hell for a good couple years, i had nothing to help me through it. art wasn't fun anymore. i blamed the 'friends' who had ridiculed me in the first place, i blamed the sociopath who siphoned all my money, all my time and all my emotional energy, i blamed my abandonment of art on everybody but myself. what the fuck! that sucks. i totally turned my back on myself.

i am trying to get my artistic energy back up & really enjoy drawing again- but it's a little tough. clawing out of a gradual art block spanning a couple years is hard. i don't know what i like anymore, i don't know what's worth putting all of my energy into anymore. i want to improve, i want to be so much better than i am right now, but i know it's gradual- & i want it right away. at least that means i'll work hard at it.

anyway, whoa, that was weird.
that's a little rant for you. idk where that came from. ):