ERR I MEAN EDITION HOW EMBARRASING... ...anyway!

THE UNCOMFORTABLE QUESTIONS QUIZ

Rules:
You must answer everything truthfully or whoever you got this from can slap you in the face. Unless, y'know, you're good at lying. No embarrassed/laughing/otherwise emoticons allowed! No explaining or elaborating! Just your answer, in as few words as possible!
Also, we know everyone masturbates and everyone has embarrassing designs on their underwear. Don't lie to us. OK, GO GO GO!


What color are your underwear?
Lesse, it's Friday soooo... probably navy blue. ALL MY UNDERWEAR IS NAVY BLUE. If it's not, it's probably black and thongy or made out of leather, rubber, latex or something frilly and lacey. Nope, navy blue today. I checked.

Do they have a design?
Boxer briefs.

Girls, what color is your bra?
I am a man.... but I have a few different colored bras. Not on, oh goodness no. They're not for ME you understand, they're for my plushies.

Is there a design?
Oh various designs. Again, rubber/latex/leather ones, as well as red and black lace. Mmm, my favorite.

Are you a virgin?
Heh. Is the Pope a Zoroastrianist?

Happy that way?
I'm happy now that I've found an intelligent, hard working, self-actualized life-partner. The awesome sex is just a bonus.

What is your favorite sex position?
Rolling thunder, pounding rain outside, on a plush carpet in front of a roaring stone fireplace after a fine meal of steak and deep red wine...

What is your sexuality/sexual orientation/What the fuck do you consider yourself?
Pansexual. Only into guys that are half goat and play old timey musical instruments.

Do you look at hentai (cartoon porn)?
Yes, tho I don't go around advertising it or favoriting it. If I like a particular piece, I download it.

Real porn?
Define "real porn". I've seen pictures that involve multiple consenting adults that are arousing, but do not necessarily involve sex in any definition of the word. Otherwise, yes, real porn does it for me too. Unf.

Do you read smutty/porn stories?
TL:DR

Do you read/watch/look at gay porn/hentai/stories?
TL:DR/no/Oh my yes.

Who was your first kiss with?
I don't count any of the kisses I'd ever had, till I kissed my

Are they of the opposite sex?
Er, yes.

Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
Yes.

Is there any one of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?
I think the real question is... "Is there any one of your friends that you would ever consider not having sex with?"

What would you do if you walked in on your partner having sex?
Uhhh oh oh I know the right answer! "UGH ME LOGARTH, Y U MAI TOUCH WOMAN". No seriously, if I walked in on it I'd be all like, "Started without me"

Do you have any piercings other than your ears?
No, but I've always considered it, as well as a tattoo. I just never had a good reason to.

If so, where?
Probably somewhere nobody other than my lady could see :D

Do you have any tattoos?
Maybe eventually.

If so, where?
Again, only somewhere my lady would see.

Have you ever been pregnant/got a girl pregnant?
Negative.

Ever done any illegal drugs?
I am on so many drugs, I am sure at one point in time or another some of them were either out of prescription or were not my prescription to begin with. So, I plead the 5th.

If so, which ones?
To quote Dave Chapelle, "FIZZIFTH!"

Have you ever cheated on someone?
Define "cheated". Cause I mean, there was this point in time I wasn't actually going out with a person but we were seeing each other now and then in a semi-romantic fashion, but I was invoking friends with benefits almost every weekend with other people. This was in college to after college.

Ever been cheated on?
Not that I ever found out about or would have cared about. I'm pretty open minded.

Have you ever been called a whore/slut?
Not to my face. There are the rare cowards that are just jelly and aren't man enough to say anything to me personally.

Do you own any sex toys?
Yes, but they aren't for me. They're for my dolls.

Have you ever had a sexual fantasy involving a relative?
No. Dear God no.

Have you ever masturbated?
Is the space pope reptilian?

Have you ever taken a naked picture of yourself?
Yes.

Have you ever taken a naked picture of someone else?
Do naughty fursuit pictures count?

Are you on any form of birth control(the pill, the patch, etc)?
Yes... it's called a long distance relationship.

Have you ever written/drawn smut/porn?
Written. Not published.

Do you swear in front of your parents?
Occasionally.

Do they care?
No.

Are you uncomfortable yet?
Yes, this chair is horrible and my hands are cold.

Are you taking this quiz of your own free will?
Yes, I am at work and wanted to take a break from filling out huge reports by filling out a questionnaire.

Tag some bitches and bug them until they take this!
Or else a dead girl will kill you, or you'll have bad luck, or.. I dunno, Rainbows won't look as pretty. Go, GO NAO.