The lies people tell themselves....

In my years in this fandom, I've become a bit of a cynic. Yeah, I know I'm negative. But, I don't think it's entirely my fault.I'm a bit of a mirror of the way I'm treated. And I pay a lot of attention. Now I'll confess that, sure, some of my problem is being negative, and "whiny", but that isn't the big problem. The big problem is... People, especially furs, are Shallow.

Now, don't worry, I hear "oh, i'm not shallow" all the time.. or "looks don't matter". And my response in my head, 60% of the time is, You fucking liar, looks do matter. Many times, though, they aren't lieing to me, they are lieng to themselves. In their own mind, maybe they think it's not something that matters to them. They will talk to, fuck, whatever, people who they consider "not hot". But when their self illusion falls apart is when they do meet their hot person..

Now, I know I rant about Shallow people a lot on here, but, I think i'm a pretty good speaker on the subject. As some of you may know, I'm not an attractive person ( http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3041035/ ) I'm what most people would consider ugly. No no no.. I am, I hate it, but I am. But being that, i of course watch the pretty people. Or if not pretty, Endowed.. Either way, I know for even the most "not shallow" furry, most of the time, good looking people just have to not be an asshole, and they are awesome! And the same person, I can talk to for months, try to be friends with them, and they will either a) continue to keep their guard up, or b) Still be nice and say we're friends and all, but obviously keep me as a low priority over more attractive friends.

Of course, I've heard all the (weak) defenses to this behavior. Things like, not comparing or people saying they don't put one friend over another. I think this is true for very few people. I'm one of those of course.. mainly because I spend too much time on the short end of that stick. Not that everyone who approaches me is my best friend.. in fact, nowadays, i can be very guarded. But, again, to most, that's another lie they tell themselves, not me. It eventually get's stupid....

So, am I innocent? Well, not totally. I'll admit, i'm attracted to people.. Some guys I'd like to get to know better because they are sexy. And the best part is, I feel guilty about it. At the same time, sometimes I will avoid and be even MORE guarded to attractive people or popular furs. But, no matter what, it still happens. And I've had to ignore my defenses as I'm in a new area and I have to start from scratch as far as making friends work. Either way, that's my rant. If you've read this far and want to comment.. remember, I warned you not to read...