Nope, Not dead. Yet; anyway. Given the retardedly high rate of movement this planet has on it's orbit, collision with anything not holding in a relative velocity zone would turn me into a blood smear 30miles long.

I'm sorry, did I lose you? I think I've been undergoing some psychosis lately. College exams are here, and as any real student can tell you: that means sleep is optional. Same with logic. My head has been buried in ALL THE NUMBERS. all of them. Did you know the electrical conductivity of space is equal to 2 circles? Don't ask me how that works, cause I really don't know. When geometric shapes became a basis of measurement continues to elude me. Want more proof of numbers? Ive been expressing almost all mathematical numbers as measures of pi; How tall am I?: 51.88455 pi's of centimeter. Holding conversations with me is kinda weird right now, might be a reason why I'm hard to find. Some people find that kind of wackiness to be cute or enduring, not really sure how or why; but whatever.

But yeah, that college thing. Still piles of confusion regarding that. And what happens after that. I'm an Energy Engineer in training, but there's nothing around here related to that, which obviously means I have to move. Probably far away. Anyone who knows me IRL knows that's something I'm ever eagerly looking forward to, but it still seems so far off--part of me still feels like I'm 17. I don't know if this means I don't want to grow up, but everything seems so far off. But I guess that's the thing about the future, no matter how close it actually is, You never really actually think about it until it's up in your grill asking you if the new dress makes it look fat.

So I want to move. How many people Would or will miss me? Have I really had that much of an effect on peoples lives? I try not to reflect on these sorts of things, soft squishy thoughts are the stuff of clouded minds, and most people value me for decisiveness and always having an answer--Pokemon has taught me that confusion is the worst status ailment.

So what do I actually want to do with my life, and more importantly how much am I willing to give up for it? I'd be lieing through my teeth if I said I didn't value my friends, but some adventures are done solo, as it were. 6 more months and then I have freedom absolute; no more family BS, no more school, finally choosing my own path and my own boss battles, But in order to truly realize my super-ultimate-hyper-CompletelyUnneccessaryAdjective-turbo-mega-deluxe form, I'm going to have to leave.

Also As a forewarning, I suck at goodbyes. Its going to be some corny one-line ripped off from a movie, Or I might just say something like "try not to screw up to badly without me"....Or I might just disappear, I do have a dramatic flair hiding somewhere. But then what? Am I gone forever? If I fail at life probably so, I hate my own failure more than anything else in the world, So if I become the hobo-dropout of everyone I know, there's no way I could bring myself to face everyone who thought I actually knew what I was doing. Surprise, I don't. I only have a direction in which I want to go; but not a destination.

Alright I think I'm done rambling. Its tomorrow And I still have a pile of exams I need to do. I just felt Like I needed to write everything down, and this was the place to do it (didn't feel like bringing the wishy-washy thinking into public conversation). But now I'm wondering how many people would in fact miss me If I left forever and ever? perhaps hit by a space meteor or If I moved to another country? I know a lot of people that are going to read this are just random internet persons, but even they'd have an opinion if they read this far into a journal...So...


How Much do I really mean to people?



PS; Special FA bonus content: Once the School is over, I'll presumably have more freetime (as long as house BS doesn't maximize and then fire a hyperbeam), I'll be more active. What "Active" means is subjective, But I'll be here. well, more. OH YEAH, to all my friends, sorry I haven't been around. with 100% from concentrate pure sincerity.