A bit early for this, I know. There's still a week of 2011 left... but I might as well start getting to my reflections as I have some downtime.

As I mentioned before, 2011 was the year I started out strong for Photography, but a new job I loathed adding many stresses really shut down my life. I lost interest in Photography, and quit posting stuff here. I let the  photografurs go to rot. I'm aiming to change that and become more active again in 2012.

Part of this had to due with throwing my back out in mid-summer, which took a couple of months to fully heal. I didn't get out as much, but I still managed to do a good amount of fishing, including catching wild stream trout fueling my interest in Fly Fishing. It is the one thing I was glad I could hold onto in 2011.

I joined a fly fishing club, and while most of it's members are significantly older then me and are very narrow minded politically and socially (uber uber conservative) I did manage to learn some new things.

This year I also stepped up and took a role into helping to organize  mnfurs. I ran a major one day event which sparked the drive to really get things moving again. I won't go into details past that, but will say that it has helped me become a lot more comfortable about dealing with the public relating to Furry. My parents and relatives still don't know; but when it comes to that point IF it comes to that point I am prepared to go through the awkwardness and explain it. This in itself is a major accomplishment.

I had a very short relationship that lasted a few weeks. At 29 I had my first kiss (Sad, isn't it? :/). She wanted to move a lot faster then I wanted to (I know, typically its the OTHER way around but I'm among the very few men who have their mind somewhere other then their balls) and I also started to realize while I found her attractive, I shared very few common interests.

She was the bad girl who liked rough men and Harleys and I was the introverted geek who ties flies, paints miniatures, and memorizes RPG books. Its not a combination that's very compatible.

I never told her about the "furry" part- then again it never got into a steady relationship far enough where I felt comfortable beyond just a cuddle-buddy.

It did, however feel really good for those few weeks and in SPITE of how improbable it was to last I still think about her constantly.

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All the Female "furry" gals I've met RL are either A: Taken (which accounts for 90%), B: Way Too Young (accounts for a high majority of the remainder), C: Crazy, D: Half way around the world (and I don't have the money for a long-term relationship), or E: It's complicated but needless to say it wouldn't WORK.

I'm in a fandom with a very very small percentage of straight gals who AREN'T taken AND are over the age of 21.

There is a much higher percentage of gays in Furry, and I have absolutely no issues with this; but it is true.

There are however PLENTY of straight guys left which lopside things enough that any gal who shows up is instantly pounced on by dozens, and yeah; that's not really my style. I'm too polite to "compete" for a mate and... *sigh* whatever.

Even in the general population I haven't had much luck. If I found someone who was truly special I'd find the right time and be comfortable in telling her about the Furry thing.

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I've also learned that while I have my hand in a number of clubs and organizations I have very few close friends. Few enough that if said people plan on doing something else I'm left stranded with few options for a backup plan and find myself sitting alone AT HOME on a Saturday night. I've found that I'm a very social creature and LOATHE sitting at home playing video games on nights when I'm accustomed to going out and having fun with friends.

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So a few resolutions for 2011:

Get back into photography; and this means getting outdoors more.

Keep up my passion for angling; but there are times where it would be nice to have a companion that could enjoy it with me.

Get a steady job in a field that makes me want to do something other then loathe myself and my life at the end of the day. Point in fact I will NEVER take a call center job again, no matter how desperate I get.

Make more friends beyond just "casual aquantices I see once or twice a month at a business meeting or club."

I need more people I can randomly call up and say "hey are you doing anything tonight, want to chill and play games or something"? That sorta relationship takes a LOT of time to build; but I really need to start working on it again, or risk more lonely nights where things don't work out and don't have a backup plan.

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And the last would be the most unrealistic: Find someone I can connect with beyond friendship. I'm not looking for a yiff buddy. Infact I have no interest in that at all, and I really hate how sex crazed and obsessed our society is. This makes me all the more well.... Old Fashioned and odd, and it makes my quest 100 times harder *sigh*. I just want someone could lean on for emotional support and well... just be special it's.... something I've seriously been lacking in my life. Someone who would help me open up and break down some of the social walls I still have up. And yes, it has to be a gal c.c.

It's only been the last couple of years that I've realized what I am missing. I shouldn't set my bar too high. I'm well beyond the teenager puppy love state so that the only possible way I could ever find someone would be an incredible stroke of fate. I should start buying lottery tickets. Think I have better odds there.