i didn't make one cause I never really get to celebrate always too poor too, but I hope everyone else is having fun. I'll admit...I cried when I woke up not too long ago. my mom blames me for the lack of x-mas due to the fact I have no job.

well even with the nurse at the trans clinic telling us its cause of discrimination and the fact my health is going down hill fast..it seems my mother can be a very heartless bitch..-.- not words I wanted to use on today of all days.

anyhow..my asthma has been keeping me awake lately along with IBS, and now this breast cancer shit...wisdom teeth, AND tonsils..like I don't have enough to worry about!

its been 7 months or so since I took commissions and I haven't got them posted. to be honest I took them at a time I was feeling GOOD, then shit happened and I haven't been able to pick myself up, I was just bout done the commissions 2 weeks ago then my flash drive done gone and corupt itself so I had to start over.

my life..is fucking hard, my family is celebrating, I can't see non of them, I'm miles away from my mate and I don't even have a tree or presents to even say I'm celebrating, nope nothing. I don't think I'm being selfish at all, 9 years no x-mas and I've come to hate the holiday, everyone else that I know gets to be happy but me.

my wishlist...while I can't really ask for alot, I mean I have headphones from a friend, an airbrush and paint and fursuiting supplies from another and that shit aint cheap! I have something in the mail from my Mate. I got the frist things early and I'll be getting the mail late. I know I should be greatfu, but I think its more the fact my own blood didn't want to spend money on even just a small gift or card, heck gimme 20 dollars I woulda went and and got meself some markers and sketchbook, I'm easy to pleae seriously, anything art related has my attention.

well continuing on...

2. I wish my mate was here or I was with her..miss her so much even if we fought alot...the best couples do. I can't imagen myself without her in my life at all. she makes me smile and act a fool, i know i make her cry too much and i don't mean too, sometimes i can get very spiteful...like i wanna see tears...but thats cause my mom does it to me and it scares me i'm acting like her...fuck..

3. health..i want to be fucking healthy!!! please!!! let me get through this PLEASE!! I have sooo much to live for I WANT TO FATHER CHILDREN!!, adopted or surrogate I don't care I WANT TO BE A DAD!!

4. Transition, I'm soo fucking close to my first appt please let everything go ok!! I've been waiting for years!! OMG YEARS!!

5. Forgivness, among past and recent friends and fallouts, I just want peace and forgivness, the fighting to stop and that whatever happens happens on a good note, I don't want to loose anymore friends over sillyness i don't want to see anymore tears or vent arts, just want ppl happy.

6. a chance, a chance to show the world who I am as a person, my worth, a chance to fit in, a chance to be me, a chance to live.

7. ...any gift art is welcome! > 3> hehe..or anything at all I like material possessions I can hold onto them, know its real. but yea..

thats..pretty much it..I don't know I'll have to take life one step at a time. I hope I get through this.

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate

to the rest who can't...BAW HUMBUG WITH ME!!! owo!

~Tani~