I didnt want to bother anyone on their new years day celebration, so I decided to write a journal.

I dont think iv ever felt this lonely on new years day. I got 1 message sent to a lot of people telling them happy new years.
This year has gone by so fast. After October I think I fell apart. I began to stop. I got a job and I think the money has made me lazy. My old friends I thought I had again fell apart again.
everything seems to be dying. Im starting to find everything boring. my relationship with my boyfriends become bland and I cant see him for another 6 months now.
I dont know if I love him but I feel very alone now

iv become lazy and greedy. bored and worst of all, lonely

I know its my fault, I manage to push everyone away. Its my fault. I make myself alone.
but what I want most of all is friends.

been crying for an hour now trying to figure out how to finish this journal. I dont know, just try and be my friend even if I seem like im pushing you away.
I just dont like being so lonely on new years.
ill try and be better so maybe next year ill feel part of something,