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And Life goes on... still different, tho
13 years ago
It was a short night.
As you may have seen on my latest submission, my cat Charly died. It was 11:35pm on January 1st, 2012.
I am not sure what it was, but it appears something happened that supposedly caused water in his lungs. It happened fast and somewhat unexpected, because he's never shown any signs of that being a problem.
He died in my arms and while I am thankful he no longer has to struggle, I feel really sorry for the time he had to fight. Questions over questions have been racing through my mind ever since.
Did I do the right thing?
Would it have been better for him to be put down at the vet's, a place he really hated? If I had taken him to be put down earlier, would I feel any better? Or would I feel miserable because he could have had more days?
No matter how I play it out, no scenario leaves a satisfying answer.
I am tired. my head hurts, my eyes are puffed up and burn. Somehow, I can still cry tears and they just keep coming. I don't know how to feel, it's all so... unreal. he's still laying on my bed and part of me is just waiting for him to get up and start demanding his bowl of kibble to be filled.
People keep telling me to remember only the good memories, the fun times we had. And in 18 years, there were sure a lot. but right now, all I see, all I hear is that horrifying last breath of his. And the feeling of his body just going limp in an instant.
We're going to have him cremated, but it's up to me to decide, if I want the ash sent home after they're done. On one side, I think he'd love to be among "his" humans, on the other side, I am afraid it'll hurt me more and longer than needed.
And it'll hurt a long, long time.
( I would like to thank you for the condolences and kind words posted in the comments to the picture I uploaded during the night. They're all appreciated, especially because you guys barely know me and never knew Charly and thus could give way less of a fuck about it.
Thank you very, very much. )
As you may have seen on my latest submission, my cat Charly died. It was 11:35pm on January 1st, 2012.
I am not sure what it was, but it appears something happened that supposedly caused water in his lungs. It happened fast and somewhat unexpected, because he's never shown any signs of that being a problem.
He died in my arms and while I am thankful he no longer has to struggle, I feel really sorry for the time he had to fight. Questions over questions have been racing through my mind ever since.
Did I do the right thing?
Would it have been better for him to be put down at the vet's, a place he really hated? If I had taken him to be put down earlier, would I feel any better? Or would I feel miserable because he could have had more days?
No matter how I play it out, no scenario leaves a satisfying answer.
I am tired. my head hurts, my eyes are puffed up and burn. Somehow, I can still cry tears and they just keep coming. I don't know how to feel, it's all so... unreal. he's still laying on my bed and part of me is just waiting for him to get up and start demanding his bowl of kibble to be filled.
People keep telling me to remember only the good memories, the fun times we had. And in 18 years, there were sure a lot. but right now, all I see, all I hear is that horrifying last breath of his. And the feeling of his body just going limp in an instant.
We're going to have him cremated, but it's up to me to decide, if I want the ash sent home after they're done. On one side, I think he'd love to be among "his" humans, on the other side, I am afraid it'll hurt me more and longer than needed.
And it'll hurt a long, long time.
( I would like to thank you for the condolences and kind words posted in the comments to the picture I uploaded during the night. They're all appreciated, especially because you guys barely know me and never knew Charly and thus could give way less of a fuck about it.
Thank you very, very much. )
solche verluste sind immer schmerzhaft u,u
I hope you feel much better and your kitty is in a better place for the rest of his being.
I remember when my cat died. I kept seeing him out of the corner of my eye for months.
And yes it will be a while before you feel anything close to normal but just take your time and grieve.
But it sounds like you had a good long time together, most cats don't get to live that long.
Sometimes, no matter how painful the choices, they are in some ways the better for our pets. They are our friends and companions, and as someone once said, any pet is a great joy, but also a great sorrow. It always hurts in the beginning, but I always felt that's a part of the mourning process.
Just take your time at your own pace. You'll be okay.