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As those of you I am closer to would know, i was thinking...
14 years ago
For about the past year now I've been in really deep thought about joining the army...After finally waking up to a conclusion. i know now what is my calling.
About 15 minutes ago i woke up from a nightmare. Im going to keep the contents of that nightmare to myself, but I will say that it has made my decision final now...After thinking hard and doing research all this time, ive come to realize; Id be joining for all the wrong reasons. The reason why i would've joined is because of the pay and how it would be a good start on life. truth is, from what ive seen and heard, it just wouldn't be worth it for that reason alone. However, that isn't what stopped me.
As many of you know i have a boyfriend, but even fewer of you know how we met, or how drastically he really changed the course of my life. Its safe to say id be dead right now if we hadn't met...by the most amazing chain reaction of events that occurred 2 years prior that led up to one single point of us crossing paths on night...Without him Id be nothing once again, which leads to the most prominent reason why ive decided to leave any thoughts of enlistment behind.
If i was to die, if something was to happen to me, what would happen to him?
If something happened to him while i was away, if he was to die, what do i have to live for?
A lot of questions like that popped up...After that nightmare it made me realize what is right. I will not go to some foreign land to risk my life and potentially his just so i can make minimum wage...I understand that people join for there own reasons; whether it be for patriotism, or whatever else...but i personally would not join for my country, i wouldn't join for the president, i wont join for the people in foreign lands, I would just join for the money, and the very little i would make just wouldnt be worth it.
There is plenty more to this and why ive come to this conclusion but it would take a long ass time to type all that out. In short, my reasons to join wouldnt be the right ones. I know my responsibilities now, what my calling is. Its right here with my boyfriend, getting a house together and always being there for eachother. If there ever comes a time that i need to pick up a weapon when shit hits the fan. I want to be here with him, not there. I could still go on forever about why i feel this is the choice im making but in truth, I would just start to not make sense...im tired, and my thoughts are still a bit jumbled.
Dont get me wrong, I respect all branches of the armed forces of all nations, but this just isnt my calling. Not anymore.
About 15 minutes ago i woke up from a nightmare. Im going to keep the contents of that nightmare to myself, but I will say that it has made my decision final now...After thinking hard and doing research all this time, ive come to realize; Id be joining for all the wrong reasons. The reason why i would've joined is because of the pay and how it would be a good start on life. truth is, from what ive seen and heard, it just wouldn't be worth it for that reason alone. However, that isn't what stopped me.
As many of you know i have a boyfriend, but even fewer of you know how we met, or how drastically he really changed the course of my life. Its safe to say id be dead right now if we hadn't met...by the most amazing chain reaction of events that occurred 2 years prior that led up to one single point of us crossing paths on night...Without him Id be nothing once again, which leads to the most prominent reason why ive decided to leave any thoughts of enlistment behind.
If i was to die, if something was to happen to me, what would happen to him?
If something happened to him while i was away, if he was to die, what do i have to live for?
A lot of questions like that popped up...After that nightmare it made me realize what is right. I will not go to some foreign land to risk my life and potentially his just so i can make minimum wage...I understand that people join for there own reasons; whether it be for patriotism, or whatever else...but i personally would not join for my country, i wouldn't join for the president, i wont join for the people in foreign lands, I would just join for the money, and the very little i would make just wouldnt be worth it.
There is plenty more to this and why ive come to this conclusion but it would take a long ass time to type all that out. In short, my reasons to join wouldnt be the right ones. I know my responsibilities now, what my calling is. Its right here with my boyfriend, getting a house together and always being there for eachother. If there ever comes a time that i need to pick up a weapon when shit hits the fan. I want to be here with him, not there. I could still go on forever about why i feel this is the choice im making but in truth, I would just start to not make sense...im tired, and my thoughts are still a bit jumbled.
Dont get me wrong, I respect all branches of the armed forces of all nations, but this just isnt my calling. Not anymore.
I had thought of joining the NG but...I just didnt think it was right...because I know how many would just miss me and would worry about me..and that would be too much to handle if I was on the field. So I know what you mean my friend, and your lover changed you, and made you who you are right now, and helped you clear your path to what you desire most.
And if I remember you did think of becoming a model man...and No matter what, no matter what choice you make in your life and path, you know we are always right behind you to support you anyway and everyway we can *hugs* ^^