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For whom the art is made?
14 years ago
General
Ego is a funny thing.
A few months ago, I decided I was going to take the ego hit and change accounts from digitalvg to obscurestar. The old account name hadn't suited me for years but I'd been afraid to take the ego hit of abandoning it. An empty gallery with no favorites or watches. Hard thing to do. I'm not a terrible artist but I am by no means anywhere near 'the best' if such a term even applies. So losing that little bit of momentum I had was hard for me. But in part, the act of detaching from ego and doing it was a good exercise for me.
Yesterday I posted a transformation drawing. First one I've done on this account. It isn't even coloured yet. I knew it would be more popular than anything else I've put up. It's a good drawing; some of the perspective is a little off but it does show continued progress in my work.
In oen day, it got five times as many favs as the second-most-favorited piece I've put up. That's a pretty powerful lure to a fragile ego.
I have nothing against smut or the people who like. I like it too sometimes. Also silly stuff, gross jokes and wrong. (Seriously, my favorite artist on FA is probably :van-weasel: who is all about the dirty, wrong, silly, wrong, gross, wrong, and wrong)
What I'm struggling with is a more existential question. I make art for me. I don't do commissions or try to sell art, in part because I'm not good enough, in part because I enjoy my day job and it pays well, but mostly because I like making what I like to make not what someone else wants me to make.
The question is whether I consider ego a healthy part of self or not? That's a much harder question. In meditation, go, and drawing, ego is not good. It gets in the way, reduces my focus, makes me not perform as well. I get focused on the destination and not the getting there.
On the other hand, in the real world, having some ego does have value. Being able to sell yourself when applying for a job, recognizing that you are a valuable person and not being used by someone. It's critical to find a good balance between ego and no ego to maintain healthy relationships.
Now that I think about it, that is a partial answer. I don't make art purely for me. If I did, I would just stay in bed and dream all day. Art is communication. When I create something, it is something I want to externalize to others. I like creating worlds for others to wander in. I enjoy being a doorway to somewhere else for someone else and in creating things that I want to share with others, I end up enriching my own experience because my worlds become more real to me. Ego, for me at least, is necessary to art.
I guess the question then becomes, where is the balance point? I think I'm going to have to contemplate that more before I have an answer.
Meanwhile, I guess the lesson I can take is that in Go, feeling insecure about your successes is just as bad as feeling overconfident about them. You won't win if you spend all your time attacking or all your time defending. Feeling wounded that something that had a little fan service in it is more popular than something that did not is much like spending all my time trying to build walls. It's a decent drawing that shows continued progress. That it accomplished two goals at once should mean it was a bigger success. Saying "I am a brilliant and sensitive artist who is so much deeper than everyone else" is a huge ego trap too. Yes, I do know how to manipulate my audience. So what. I'm pretty sure that everyone who has posted anything here knows how to do that. So what I know really isn't anything that's secret or you need a high IQ to figure out. The ego trip that it is ends up kind of sad when viewed in that light. What I should really be trying to figure out how to do is create work that all of my buttons and does what I want but also presses yours now and then just to let you know I care and want to share something with you. (Whoever you are, arbitrary 2nd person)
Anyhow. Lunchtime is over. Back to the prim mines.
A few months ago, I decided I was going to take the ego hit and change accounts from digitalvg to obscurestar. The old account name hadn't suited me for years but I'd been afraid to take the ego hit of abandoning it. An empty gallery with no favorites or watches. Hard thing to do. I'm not a terrible artist but I am by no means anywhere near 'the best' if such a term even applies. So losing that little bit of momentum I had was hard for me. But in part, the act of detaching from ego and doing it was a good exercise for me.
Yesterday I posted a transformation drawing. First one I've done on this account. It isn't even coloured yet. I knew it would be more popular than anything else I've put up. It's a good drawing; some of the perspective is a little off but it does show continued progress in my work.
In oen day, it got five times as many favs as the second-most-favorited piece I've put up. That's a pretty powerful lure to a fragile ego.
I have nothing against smut or the people who like. I like it too sometimes. Also silly stuff, gross jokes and wrong. (Seriously, my favorite artist on FA is probably :van-weasel: who is all about the dirty, wrong, silly, wrong, gross, wrong, and wrong)
What I'm struggling with is a more existential question. I make art for me. I don't do commissions or try to sell art, in part because I'm not good enough, in part because I enjoy my day job and it pays well, but mostly because I like making what I like to make not what someone else wants me to make.
The question is whether I consider ego a healthy part of self or not? That's a much harder question. In meditation, go, and drawing, ego is not good. It gets in the way, reduces my focus, makes me not perform as well. I get focused on the destination and not the getting there.
On the other hand, in the real world, having some ego does have value. Being able to sell yourself when applying for a job, recognizing that you are a valuable person and not being used by someone. It's critical to find a good balance between ego and no ego to maintain healthy relationships.
Now that I think about it, that is a partial answer. I don't make art purely for me. If I did, I would just stay in bed and dream all day. Art is communication. When I create something, it is something I want to externalize to others. I like creating worlds for others to wander in. I enjoy being a doorway to somewhere else for someone else and in creating things that I want to share with others, I end up enriching my own experience because my worlds become more real to me. Ego, for me at least, is necessary to art.
I guess the question then becomes, where is the balance point? I think I'm going to have to contemplate that more before I have an answer.
Meanwhile, I guess the lesson I can take is that in Go, feeling insecure about your successes is just as bad as feeling overconfident about them. You won't win if you spend all your time attacking or all your time defending. Feeling wounded that something that had a little fan service in it is more popular than something that did not is much like spending all my time trying to build walls. It's a decent drawing that shows continued progress. That it accomplished two goals at once should mean it was a bigger success. Saying "I am a brilliant and sensitive artist who is so much deeper than everyone else" is a huge ego trap too. Yes, I do know how to manipulate my audience. So what. I'm pretty sure that everyone who has posted anything here knows how to do that. So what I know really isn't anything that's secret or you need a high IQ to figure out. The ego trip that it is ends up kind of sad when viewed in that light. What I should really be trying to figure out how to do is create work that all of my buttons and does what I want but also presses yours now and then just to let you know I care and want to share something with you. (Whoever you are, arbitrary 2nd person)
Anyhow. Lunchtime is over. Back to the prim mines.
