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Random Thoughts
14 years ago
General
Some thoughts I felt like sharing, and to update people on some of the stuff going on with me, if only internal.
College is going well, finally. Switching to being an English Major turned out to be a good move, and I have found myself staying on top of my assignments with little trouble, even when leaving things for last minute (which was only last weekend). I've never felt so confident in my life, and my parents are glad to see me break the cycle of procrastinating and putting myself through the wringer over stuff that's really not that hard.
So you can imagine my surprise when two words were dropped into my soul this past week:
"Quit school."
This has disrupted my mood as nothing else can. Now the thing is, I've been basing a lot of my words and actions upon intuition and listening for "that still, small voice" that I assume to be from God. And it has seemed to lead me into places I hadn't thought I'd go, sometimes good and sometimes into things that ended with me being torn up and spiritually weary. There have been days in the past two semesters when I just wanted to go home to heaven and not come back. I doubt that it was only a little spiritual warfare. The timing of some of my breakdowns were suspicious.
Yet these new orders, if they are from God, are a hard pill to swallow. I just found the major that works so well for me! And yet... and yet, if they're not shooting at you, are you a threat? It's made me wonder why things are going so well this semester. Is it because I've found my place? Or is this just where I'm comfortable? I left the art department behind because I didn't like what appeared to be their dismissal of beauty in favor of "freedom of expression" or whatever. Subjective artwork makes me sick in the soul. I need beauty to survive; we all do. Who would want to live in a world without it?
Maybe then that's why God told me to go to school in the first place, if it wasn't just following my own broken heart. To get me up close and personal with what passes for art education these days so that I would vow to swing the other way. I find there is little that will sober up a man better than showing him the end of the road he's on. I could've ended up a very different person, and possibly a very wicked one.
I could use prayers for clarity here. While I like this major and my classes, I must follow as God leads. I don't have to understand why, even though my soul begs to know the answer. I just have to be sure I'm getting it from him.
If I leave college though, I won't miss the bill. I'm already up to debt over my eyeballs (four or five times over if you compare my net worth to it), and it's disgusting to be hungry on campus and see what they charge for their "food services".
Heck, it's infuriating. I feel like I'm living out the store scene from The Grapes of Wrath! There are insane prices on everything, and I look up to see the guy behind the counter grinning so hard I want to knock his teeth in! 'Cause either I spend money there on their overpriced goods, or I spend gasoline to go out looking for someplace that might give me better food at a cheaper price. And good luck trying to walk there! Never seems to be any fast food joint within walking distance of campus. Even if there is, it'll probably take you longer to get there than driving would, and time between classes is often too precious to waste. If it weren't for zoning laws, I'd buy a house right next to campus, tear it down and build a Burger King or something right there. And I bet I'd do better financially than any gig in town, even on the off days when no one seems to want my stuff.
With the thousands of dollars I have to pay just to go to this freakin' school, you think they could afford to let me have a couple free meals! I'm scrapin' by thanks to the free food at the Lutheran Campus House, and that's only two days a week! I'm gonna go broke doing this, and I can't help but feel someone in this system deserves a severe beat down.
Then again, maybe it's not the school's fault, not entirely. I mean, when you hire a union to do all your food services, it should be no surprise that prices sky-rocket.
How's that "support the unions" thing working out for ya?
Now that we're into politics, I guess I can get around to talking about my pick for President.
Wanna hear it?
Tough, I'm sharing anyway.
My pick for President in 2012 is...
...nobody.
Yeah. Nobody.
The fact is I've gotten very cynical with politics in recent years. Granted, I am uninformed and lazy, so I don't do the research that would give me a better idea of who all these people are. And yet would that really restore my confidence in D.C.? I don't think so.
Now, I don't really know if I'll vote or not this year. I think I probably will, though my faith in the system is rather low at this point, and I wonder if I'll make any difference at all. And last time I voted, I could've sworn God said it'd make no difference if I just left the paper blank. And I think he was right, 'cause there was that massive backlash against the Democrats. I'm not sure my vote was anything more than a drop in the tsunami. In any case, if I vote, it'll be for whoever I feel is the right candidate for the job, not who's most likely to beat Obama. I'm tired of being told to vote for a "winner" who may just turn around and betray my beliefs for political gain. I just can't believe that this system will solve things. It may be too late for that.
And in the long run, I think it's inconsequential.
You heard me. It doesn't matter.
All we get from Washington is more and more laws telling us how to live. The only real freedom that's grown, so far as I can tell, is the Second Amendment, and I fear we may need it before long. I am unsure how Freedom of Speech is doing, yet I think we're still doing better than any other country.
No. No, if freedom and salvation are to be ours, they won't come from Washington. Don't you remember? This country was founded on a shared belief that mankind is endowed with inalienable rights from a Creator God. I don't think all the Founders were Christian or even knew (or would accept) Jesus. Yet they knew that our rights never come from the government. So tell me now, how the heck is voting for this guy or that one supposed to make me more or less free?
I AM FREE.
I have been for a long time. Even in the midst of a political prison, I will always be free. Because I am a Christian and there's nothing man can do to me to change that. And it's probably for the best they don't. I know myself better than any of you. Only Jesus knows me better. It would be best if I kept on being a Deist of some kind.
Despite all that's going on, despite how my spirit drags and sighs when it hears another political argument, or how this or that person "won the debate"... none of it matters. Because I know him better now. I know the real Jesus, the one hidden behind the religious fog, behind all the veils people keep putting up out of some mistaken idea of "reverence". People, the veil was torn long ago. He does not want to hear, "Lord, Lord!" but "Abba! Father!"
He wants to be closer than any of us would find comfortable. And I dare say he's started a revolution that will take the whole world by surprise.
We weren't ready for Martin Luther.
No one expected Billy Graham.
And the schemers and plotters of this earth have underestimated the Beautiful Outlaw, working through men with honest hearts and messy histories that got healed.
You want a revolution, Mr. Socialist? Well, you got one, in the sense of the ancient Chinese curse.
Aslan is on the move, Dear Hearts. I forgot it, but he has reminded me. Trust me on this, if on nothing else. It will change everything. Nothing will be the same.
And that is why I have hope even if "Obummer" ends up President for Life. The King of Kings has far more authority than any mortal man, and he takes a dim view of those who persecute his flock.
Heh. Come and see, friends. Come and see what Jesus is up to now. It's gonna be one heckuva ride.
College is going well, finally. Switching to being an English Major turned out to be a good move, and I have found myself staying on top of my assignments with little trouble, even when leaving things for last minute (which was only last weekend). I've never felt so confident in my life, and my parents are glad to see me break the cycle of procrastinating and putting myself through the wringer over stuff that's really not that hard.
So you can imagine my surprise when two words were dropped into my soul this past week:
"Quit school."
This has disrupted my mood as nothing else can. Now the thing is, I've been basing a lot of my words and actions upon intuition and listening for "that still, small voice" that I assume to be from God. And it has seemed to lead me into places I hadn't thought I'd go, sometimes good and sometimes into things that ended with me being torn up and spiritually weary. There have been days in the past two semesters when I just wanted to go home to heaven and not come back. I doubt that it was only a little spiritual warfare. The timing of some of my breakdowns were suspicious.
Yet these new orders, if they are from God, are a hard pill to swallow. I just found the major that works so well for me! And yet... and yet, if they're not shooting at you, are you a threat? It's made me wonder why things are going so well this semester. Is it because I've found my place? Or is this just where I'm comfortable? I left the art department behind because I didn't like what appeared to be their dismissal of beauty in favor of "freedom of expression" or whatever. Subjective artwork makes me sick in the soul. I need beauty to survive; we all do. Who would want to live in a world without it?
Maybe then that's why God told me to go to school in the first place, if it wasn't just following my own broken heart. To get me up close and personal with what passes for art education these days so that I would vow to swing the other way. I find there is little that will sober up a man better than showing him the end of the road he's on. I could've ended up a very different person, and possibly a very wicked one.
I could use prayers for clarity here. While I like this major and my classes, I must follow as God leads. I don't have to understand why, even though my soul begs to know the answer. I just have to be sure I'm getting it from him.
If I leave college though, I won't miss the bill. I'm already up to debt over my eyeballs (four or five times over if you compare my net worth to it), and it's disgusting to be hungry on campus and see what they charge for their "food services".
Heck, it's infuriating. I feel like I'm living out the store scene from The Grapes of Wrath! There are insane prices on everything, and I look up to see the guy behind the counter grinning so hard I want to knock his teeth in! 'Cause either I spend money there on their overpriced goods, or I spend gasoline to go out looking for someplace that might give me better food at a cheaper price. And good luck trying to walk there! Never seems to be any fast food joint within walking distance of campus. Even if there is, it'll probably take you longer to get there than driving would, and time between classes is often too precious to waste. If it weren't for zoning laws, I'd buy a house right next to campus, tear it down and build a Burger King or something right there. And I bet I'd do better financially than any gig in town, even on the off days when no one seems to want my stuff.
With the thousands of dollars I have to pay just to go to this freakin' school, you think they could afford to let me have a couple free meals! I'm scrapin' by thanks to the free food at the Lutheran Campus House, and that's only two days a week! I'm gonna go broke doing this, and I can't help but feel someone in this system deserves a severe beat down.
Then again, maybe it's not the school's fault, not entirely. I mean, when you hire a union to do all your food services, it should be no surprise that prices sky-rocket.
How's that "support the unions" thing working out for ya?
Now that we're into politics, I guess I can get around to talking about my pick for President.
Wanna hear it?
Tough, I'm sharing anyway.
My pick for President in 2012 is...
...nobody.
Yeah. Nobody.
The fact is I've gotten very cynical with politics in recent years. Granted, I am uninformed and lazy, so I don't do the research that would give me a better idea of who all these people are. And yet would that really restore my confidence in D.C.? I don't think so.
Now, I don't really know if I'll vote or not this year. I think I probably will, though my faith in the system is rather low at this point, and I wonder if I'll make any difference at all. And last time I voted, I could've sworn God said it'd make no difference if I just left the paper blank. And I think he was right, 'cause there was that massive backlash against the Democrats. I'm not sure my vote was anything more than a drop in the tsunami. In any case, if I vote, it'll be for whoever I feel is the right candidate for the job, not who's most likely to beat Obama. I'm tired of being told to vote for a "winner" who may just turn around and betray my beliefs for political gain. I just can't believe that this system will solve things. It may be too late for that.
And in the long run, I think it's inconsequential.
You heard me. It doesn't matter.
All we get from Washington is more and more laws telling us how to live. The only real freedom that's grown, so far as I can tell, is the Second Amendment, and I fear we may need it before long. I am unsure how Freedom of Speech is doing, yet I think we're still doing better than any other country.
No. No, if freedom and salvation are to be ours, they won't come from Washington. Don't you remember? This country was founded on a shared belief that mankind is endowed with inalienable rights from a Creator God. I don't think all the Founders were Christian or even knew (or would accept) Jesus. Yet they knew that our rights never come from the government. So tell me now, how the heck is voting for this guy or that one supposed to make me more or less free?
I AM FREE.
I have been for a long time. Even in the midst of a political prison, I will always be free. Because I am a Christian and there's nothing man can do to me to change that. And it's probably for the best they don't. I know myself better than any of you. Only Jesus knows me better. It would be best if I kept on being a Deist of some kind.
Despite all that's going on, despite how my spirit drags and sighs when it hears another political argument, or how this or that person "won the debate"... none of it matters. Because I know him better now. I know the real Jesus, the one hidden behind the religious fog, behind all the veils people keep putting up out of some mistaken idea of "reverence". People, the veil was torn long ago. He does not want to hear, "Lord, Lord!" but "Abba! Father!"
He wants to be closer than any of us would find comfortable. And I dare say he's started a revolution that will take the whole world by surprise.
We weren't ready for Martin Luther.
No one expected Billy Graham.
And the schemers and plotters of this earth have underestimated the Beautiful Outlaw, working through men with honest hearts and messy histories that got healed.
You want a revolution, Mr. Socialist? Well, you got one, in the sense of the ancient Chinese curse.
Aslan is on the move, Dear Hearts. I forgot it, but he has reminded me. Trust me on this, if on nothing else. It will change everything. Nothing will be the same.
And that is why I have hope even if "Obummer" ends up President for Life. The King of Kings has far more authority than any mortal man, and he takes a dim view of those who persecute his flock.
Heh. Come and see, friends. Come and see what Jesus is up to now. It's gonna be one heckuva ride.
I'll beseech God to take care of your housing and food, so you can prepare to work your butt off for Him and working off those loans!
_polotics_
prepare to be jailed for disobeying man's law and obeying God's laws. It scares me to know that I would be one of those on execution row for writing like this in another country.
_revolution_
I know one is needed, but my heart tells me that there are 1 in 10,000 locally ready to be jailed over disobeying man's law preaching to those that don't want to hear the gospel so the few that need it, receive it. However, some of my church family are on the move to unite with another church and share the gospel in the ghetto.
Take care, my brother! Jah bless!