Spirituality.

I gotten into drawing about 7 years ago. I started by drawing the same two anthro foxes again and again. Those two took on a life of their own as I just kept on drawing them. I always throught that was noprmal and others had it the same way.
I now know some people doesn't see them as nothing more than lines on a paper..

anyway. I felt them as being alive, and sometimes I could even keep a conversation going with them. I used to say, I must be the only one that can lose an argument with myself.
Then Melanie appeared. I wanted to practice lineless. and white on white paper really didn't work out. I tried coloring with two shades of blue, and as such Melanie was created. I aoriginally named her melanie because it's close to Melancholy and Melody. Melanie was originally melancholic, prone to fits of depression, but that didn't last long.
Riannah took her under her wing, showed her that she could be trusted. And what kind of fun she could have in bed with anothjer female..

That means Melanie ended up being a playfukl and naughty girl, and not the scared and depressed girl I first started with..

I should probably note that I, during this time, a few years or so, felt I was being watched from the shadows of my own mind. it was rather unsettling.. Like I didn't know if I was losing it and slowly going insane..
He kept staying in the shadows, watching me and just scaring me.
time passed and finally he stepped out of the shadows and looked me over.
he looked like a big wolf with coal black fur, it's years ago and I'm still not sure what he really looks like.

I always heard the mind has a white and black side. not good and evil. I'm nbot sure I can come up with a good metaphor here..
I just think he is my darker and more dominant site.

I started opening for requests and I realized I needed a character I could use. Silvaram, mny coyote was that character.. Until she took on a life of her own too..

at this point I saw my second character I didn't decide. it was a kitsune, seven tails.
I either saw her stepping down stairs and toiwards me.
or sitting in a chair, looking up from a bookn and over at me.
She never said anything, just looked over at me.

at this point I started RP'ing and needed some characters I could use in my RP's.
Darkie, a 5tailed kitsune was one of those characters. she was quite dominant and liked toing with others..
I added her and the other whitefurred kitsubne, Aurora, to an RP post along with some other characters.
both of them took on a life of their own.

I startred RP'ing, lettin gothers meet my girls and get close to them.. Closer than I personally would have liked, but I liked RP'ing. Just not the few times when theyt went places I didn't want them to, and I didn't darte tell my fellow RP'er I wasn't enjoying it..

I used somwe of my characters in RP's. Even managed to get Riannah, Magicka and Melnaie into a few. Those threee are what keeps me going at all times..

Anyway. I started RP'ing and in the process lost the closeness to them. And I feel it's because certain other people wanted to get close to my girls, get to know them and maybe get one of them as a mate..
at that point all I do is usually step awauy from someone I started thinking of as something close as a mate.. Noty a mate as is, but something similar.. I can't explain it. I just klnow I appreciate having them around. Even more when they weren't checking out others too..
oh well, done is done..

I got deeper into RP'ing, got some friends, lost some friends..
And my girls just started getting more distant. and I started getting more distant to them too.

Then finally last night I couldn't couldn't feel them at all.
Som I tried the usual things peopel do.. Meditate, write and draw. I finally just sat back and remembered what I used to do with them..
I got one of them back. Flare the Ninetails. Strangely enough she's one of the newer girls.. Amnd still quite fond of me, thankfully.

so yeah, the end of all this is that I'm pulling them back out of RP'sand in closer to me again.. not that I really had any RP's going.
It's going to be nice to have my girls back to just being mine again..


I might be insane, but it's the harmless kind of insane..
And yes, I live in my own little world. And I'm great at rambling..