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Lost in Memory
17 years ago
2/28/05
I gave him a bubble bath once i got home, then took him out for a long walk in the sunshine and breeze. I fed him every treat i could possibly find, including his lamb lung. I fed him his cans of venison, duck, and rabbit. I gave him as much bottled water as he would drink, then polished it off with a cadbury egg. He really enjoyed the cadbury egg. We then went to bed and i held him while he began to fall asleep. As soon as he relaxed, another seizure hit, but i held him close, ignoring the urine soaking into my bed. It's ok, I'm leaving next Saturday and that bed nor any of the bedding is going with me.
24 total seizures before he finally went. The vet made it easier, she really supported my decision, didn't rush it. She gave him a chew to eat while she sedated him. He went to sleep with something in his mouth. Do you know how typical that was of him? He would have a toy in his mouth, bonk it against my feet, and if i ignored him, he would lay his head down and fall asleep with the toy still in his jaws. So cute.
I told him, before he went down, that I would see him later."
Has it only been three years?
It seems like the things I love the most are always taken away from me, usually by my own carelessness and never ending faults. When life was terrible, my constant was with me. My dearest friend, my Wibble Face.
Right now I'm watching a dog with many of your most wonderful attributes stare at his own reflection, with The rope....get the rope, Sammy! dangling from his mouth, and I remember your face with That's right boy! The rope! Give it here. Grrr! Grrrr! dangling from his muzzle. That same look of "Here! Take it and throw it! No, let's tug'" and this dog doesn't understand the tears on my face.
I still sit up in a panic when I hear a dog thrashing. When I see them running in their sleep, I get that same, Oh God no, not another one Please not another one.
Its not a another one. Samson, you are dead. If I am lucky, I will never have to sit, helpless and afraid, while someone I love thrashes and screams, with vacant eyes and contorted face.
This year, I eat a Cadbury egg in your memory. I gave you chocolate and rabbit and anything you wanted to eat today, three years ago. I couldn't see you, I was blind with grief and lack of sleep. But I could feel you. And I held you tight, until I felt your heart slow and stop, until your ears grew cold. You had just turned 5 years old.
You got the rope! Good boy!
I gave him a bubble bath once i got home, then took him out for a long walk in the sunshine and breeze. I fed him every treat i could possibly find, including his lamb lung. I fed him his cans of venison, duck, and rabbit. I gave him as much bottled water as he would drink, then polished it off with a cadbury egg. He really enjoyed the cadbury egg. We then went to bed and i held him while he began to fall asleep. As soon as he relaxed, another seizure hit, but i held him close, ignoring the urine soaking into my bed. It's ok, I'm leaving next Saturday and that bed nor any of the bedding is going with me.
24 total seizures before he finally went. The vet made it easier, she really supported my decision, didn't rush it. She gave him a chew to eat while she sedated him. He went to sleep with something in his mouth. Do you know how typical that was of him? He would have a toy in his mouth, bonk it against my feet, and if i ignored him, he would lay his head down and fall asleep with the toy still in his jaws. So cute.
I told him, before he went down, that I would see him later."
Has it only been three years?
It seems like the things I love the most are always taken away from me, usually by my own carelessness and never ending faults. When life was terrible, my constant was with me. My dearest friend, my Wibble Face.
Right now I'm watching a dog with many of your most wonderful attributes stare at his own reflection, with The rope....get the rope, Sammy! dangling from his mouth, and I remember your face with That's right boy! The rope! Give it here. Grrr! Grrrr! dangling from his muzzle. That same look of "Here! Take it and throw it! No, let's tug'" and this dog doesn't understand the tears on my face.
I still sit up in a panic when I hear a dog thrashing. When I see them running in their sleep, I get that same, Oh God no, not another one Please not another one.
Its not a another one. Samson, you are dead. If I am lucky, I will never have to sit, helpless and afraid, while someone I love thrashes and screams, with vacant eyes and contorted face.
This year, I eat a Cadbury egg in your memory. I gave you chocolate and rabbit and anything you wanted to eat today, three years ago. I couldn't see you, I was blind with grief and lack of sleep. But I could feel you. And I held you tight, until I felt your heart slow and stop, until your ears grew cold. You had just turned 5 years old.
You got the rope! Good boy!
We went for McDonalds soft serve and chicken nuggets...and for the first time in about 6 months Sable recognized her vet(she was 9, diagnosis was Dementia).
Beautifully worded, thank you for sharing it.
Pets are so much more than the animals in our lives...they're our best friends. It's so incredibly sad to remember them, and so sad that they are gone from our lives...
I'll eat a cadbury egg in honor of your Samson this year, too.
I'm sure we'll all remember this whenever we eat a C-egg.
Thanks for sharing...
Last year I lost two dogs; one wandered off after raccoons into the marsh and we never saw her again. The other was ran over by accident.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
*hug you tight*
I should not start remebering .. not remembering... *wipe some tears off as I am reminiscent of the long row of furry and feathery faces, the purrs and barks and cheeps that live on as echos in my mind*
They mean so much to us as they are the ones loving us for what we are, not for what they see in us.
I understand...
My husband and my dogs make up my most immediate family, I can't imagine the pain you went through, and how agonizing that decision must have been.
I know you will see your baby again. This poem is for you. I post it to everyone. It's called the Rainbow Bridge. You might have heard it before.
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
I know its hard, but makes it a little nicer to think about it like that, no more suffering, doing what he loves best as he went... It helps for me to think of it like that... I hope it does for you as well.
I feel for you; for you and all the others who have lost their loved ones to old age while we have grown only a little older. I shudder to think of what it's going to feel like when my male cat dies, because I'm so deeply attached to him. The pain is going to rip me apart, and what I'm feeling now - tears pouring down my cheeks, throat so tight that it hurts - will seem like nothing, like it hardly even mattered.
My hat is off to you, one who knows the pain of grief and still found the courage to go on, to share your life again.
I grew up with a german sheperd, we got her when I was about three, maybe younger... can't remember. she died by the age of fourteen from kidney failure, and we couldn't get a veterinarian throughout the whole weekends. by monday she was almost a lifeless zombie, and the vet could do nothing but put her down. I couldn't stand accompanying her on her last trip, which pains me still after more than 17 years... what's worse, I later had to find out we never shot a single photo of her. so all I have is a failing memory and inaccurate renderings of her in anthro-form.
needless to say, I am too in tears here.
I fed her McDonald's double cheese burgers and mc Chickens the last week. It was all she would eat. I remember the last day so vividly. I took her to a field, something she'd never seen before and let her roam. But all she wanted was to stand next to me, letting me know that she didn't want to leave my side and didn't want to show that she was in pain by sitting down. She just stood there smiling, my dearest friend. The appointment was at 4:15. I arrived there at 4:03. I let her walk around for ten minutes, it was barely twenty feet. Then, I picked her up and took her inside. I sat down on the towel and she sat right next to me as they were preparing. I couldn't help but look at her, seeing how very ready she was. She looked so ready. This was the time I was supposed to leave, but I couldn't. How could I? She was my companion for ten years and through out her whole life. The least I could have done was to be there for her at the last quarter mile. The needle went in and she started to look back to see what the ladies were doing to her, but I called for her, "Kisha!" She looked at me, paused and smiled. Then she looked tired all of a sudden, that one second. and she lay her head on my lap and drifted off into sleep.
My dear friend, Kisha, was gone, dead weight, , but still warm and that would fade eventually. I left. I didn't even cry. I drove home with her collar in the side seat. When I walked into the house and went down the stair I realized something very important was missing. I didn't hear the jingle of her collar, her stare from the couch her leaping to great me. The house was empty.
It's been a little over a year for me. I had my little girl for 8 years, she was my first wolf-hybrid. :/
http://pets.webshots.com/photo/1000404252000404046
*hugs* My sincere condolences.
Thank you so much for sharing.
He was with me for 11 years... sadly, cancer got the better of him and I had to make that decision.
Here is a story for you to read, it's in a Myspace blog but I think you'll appreciate it.
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?f.....ogID=360020739
Take care, hun. *hugs tight*
I know this is late of me to read but I can totally associate, it made my cry as two of my own dogs, Great Danes they were both put to sleep due to the severity of their epilepsy. I still remember holding Scoobie close to me, yeah not that original of a name I know heh. I remember feeling his elevated heart beat and panting as I hugged him close. It was so untimely. He was just a pup to me, 6 months old and Bella passed on just 2 years later from the same condition, I never got to say good bye D: ;..;