I have met a lot of good people lately here in FA..
some of them have problems of their own ,and some don't..
but even though through many hardships that they face in their lives...
They still have the strength to face it, and have the answers to solve it...

But I for one, have no answer to solve this problem of mine...
This happened a year ago..
In Moscow...

I found my parents today... (real not surrogate) (It was my first time seeing them)
On their old house...
they were at their front porch..
their bones clenched up to their skin reveling there veins..
And the true meaning of their old age..

but this did not bothered me...
what bothered me was their reaction towards me...
A question was circling around my brain at that moment and that question was: "what if they don't accept me?"...
And every step that i take, the fear on my head overtook my body more and more...

But at the end...
I made it...
But when they looked upon my face they recognized me in instant...
And when i was about to speak my father interrupted me and scolded at me and told me to leave them be...

I took a pause at that moment...
And realized my brain was right...
I should-ed have left them in the first place..
I should-ed have never found them...

Then upon hearing the words of my father...

I left them...
But i handed them out an envelope containing a certain amount of money..
But upon driving out of their house...
I saw in my side mirror of the car my father throwing out my letter into the street..
I did not returned to the envelope containing the money...

I drove forward and never looked back...

And upon leaving all that i could ever think of...
was the hate of my father and the reasons why they left me on an orphanage...

But after that incident...
I told myself that i Should not be bothered upon my father's words...
But the incident still haunted me..
And never left me...

Until today...
Rewriting this whole thing Here is the only thing that can keep me out of my misery...

As of my brothers words...
he told me the only thing that can keep his problems away from him was if he writes down everything in a piece of paper...
and that's what I'm doing right now...
Although it isn't paper...