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Ranty journal, just need to vent... Read if you want.
14 years ago
First off, I'm going to preface by saying that there may be several spelling errors and such in this as I'm typing on my iPhone at work. So, please bare with me.
Things have just been a little hectic and stressful lately. I'm getting married in August and the planning hasn't been too bad, but it's there. Add to that the fact that my mother looks like she's just going through the motions of the whole wedding thing.
It's like she's not happy for me. I don't know why. I know that part of it might be that my step-dad and I had a falling out over a crap load of things, and haven't been able to work things out. He doesn't want to talk to me. I've reached out time and time again, but to no avail. He's practically disowned me. I can deal with that, and have come to terms with that. But I can't stand that it's had such a negative effect on my relationship with my mother. I've tried to work it out with my step-dad, at HER request, and he won't budge. I feel like its my fault, but I know it's him that's the problem. She doesn't get that.
She came to help me pick out my dress, but it felt like she went cause she had to, not because she wanted to. I turned to her, in a dress, and asked her "what do you think?" to which she hmmmd and then said, "It's up to you." There was no emotion. The answer was nonchalant. I couldnt help thinking, 'Your only daughter just asked you what you thought of her wedding dress and you say it's up to her?! Really?! That's all you have to say? Could have said, "I love it on you." or "it's not you, try another one." Something!!!'
I was pissed. I cried like I've never cried in my life. She nearly ruined that happy moment in my life. Had my 3 month old neice, my grandmother, my best friend, and my sister-in-law not been there, I probably would have yelled at her. My aunt was there too, but she knows the things that are going on. My mother is jealous of my aunt because I talk to my aunt regularly. My mom 'cut the apron strings' so to speak and has left me alone to my devices. Equally, I dont call her like I should, but that's because I don't want to call home and have my step-dad pick up. I try to avoid that. So I don't call.
Ive asked her to talk, and she just puts up walls. It's like she doesn't want to talk either, and that's driving me nuts. She's immersed herself in my neice (my brother an his girlfriend live in my parents basement) and seems content to live her life there, without me.
There's a lot more to this story, mostly about schooling, and having 'run off with some guy' (my now fiancé) and other shit, but it's all come to a head with all the wedding prep. I'm losing my mind because it shouldn't be like this.
My aunt and uncle have laid down their position in that it my mother doesn't help, emotionally, physically and financially with the wedding, she will have chosen to excommunicate herself from the family. While I appreciate them taking my side, I don't know what good it will do. My mom will just see it as a "Poor Pamela" routine and dismiss it.
They have taken my side because I've talked to them about my problems and they don't agree with how my parents had dealt with me as a young adult, and even more so now.
I'd like to say that I just want everyone to get along, but I know that a stand must be taken now, or things will get worse. The timing however, couldn't be much worse. I don't want this to sour my wedding, but I know that if it's not dealt with, it will. I've tried talking, reaching out, but to no avail.
I dont know what else to do.
Thanks for reading, and comment are welcome. Anything may help.
Things have just been a little hectic and stressful lately. I'm getting married in August and the planning hasn't been too bad, but it's there. Add to that the fact that my mother looks like she's just going through the motions of the whole wedding thing.
It's like she's not happy for me. I don't know why. I know that part of it might be that my step-dad and I had a falling out over a crap load of things, and haven't been able to work things out. He doesn't want to talk to me. I've reached out time and time again, but to no avail. He's practically disowned me. I can deal with that, and have come to terms with that. But I can't stand that it's had such a negative effect on my relationship with my mother. I've tried to work it out with my step-dad, at HER request, and he won't budge. I feel like its my fault, but I know it's him that's the problem. She doesn't get that.
She came to help me pick out my dress, but it felt like she went cause she had to, not because she wanted to. I turned to her, in a dress, and asked her "what do you think?" to which she hmmmd and then said, "It's up to you." There was no emotion. The answer was nonchalant. I couldnt help thinking, 'Your only daughter just asked you what you thought of her wedding dress and you say it's up to her?! Really?! That's all you have to say? Could have said, "I love it on you." or "it's not you, try another one." Something!!!'
I was pissed. I cried like I've never cried in my life. She nearly ruined that happy moment in my life. Had my 3 month old neice, my grandmother, my best friend, and my sister-in-law not been there, I probably would have yelled at her. My aunt was there too, but she knows the things that are going on. My mother is jealous of my aunt because I talk to my aunt regularly. My mom 'cut the apron strings' so to speak and has left me alone to my devices. Equally, I dont call her like I should, but that's because I don't want to call home and have my step-dad pick up. I try to avoid that. So I don't call.
Ive asked her to talk, and she just puts up walls. It's like she doesn't want to talk either, and that's driving me nuts. She's immersed herself in my neice (my brother an his girlfriend live in my parents basement) and seems content to live her life there, without me.
There's a lot more to this story, mostly about schooling, and having 'run off with some guy' (my now fiancé) and other shit, but it's all come to a head with all the wedding prep. I'm losing my mind because it shouldn't be like this.
My aunt and uncle have laid down their position in that it my mother doesn't help, emotionally, physically and financially with the wedding, she will have chosen to excommunicate herself from the family. While I appreciate them taking my side, I don't know what good it will do. My mom will just see it as a "Poor Pamela" routine and dismiss it.
They have taken my side because I've talked to them about my problems and they don't agree with how my parents had dealt with me as a young adult, and even more so now.
I'd like to say that I just want everyone to get along, but I know that a stand must be taken now, or things will get worse. The timing however, couldn't be much worse. I don't want this to sour my wedding, but I know that if it's not dealt with, it will. I've tried talking, reaching out, but to no avail.
I dont know what else to do.
Thanks for reading, and comment are welcome. Anything may help.
I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with all of this emotional stuff now, of all times. I can't even begin to give advice on the matter, because if I knew those answers, I'd have a better relationship with my parents. I can, however, offer a shoulder to lean on and say that my door is always open if venting is what you need!
*uber massive squishy hugs of adorkable doooooooooooooooom*
It has always been "His way or no way" and nothing I've done has ever been good enough for him. He always expected perfection, and when he didn't get it, there was heavy criticism. I understand that he probably thinks he was doing the 'right' thing in his eyes, and thought of it as 'pushing to do better' but when all you hear is "You didn't do that right!" or "Why can't you just do what I say" it's not positive re-enforcement.
Apparently, I've done something horribly wrong in his eyes by falling in love with a man who has been nothing but an angel to me. He treats me right, cares for me and loves me. What more could a father, even a step-father, want for his child? Sure, Adam and I have our spats, but that's healthy. That means we're human. But he's never mistreated me or caused me harm. I mean, I could have gone out and lived on the streets, got into drugs, gotten prenant, and met an abusive guy. THAT I could see him taking offense to. But not Adam. I don't know what Adam ever did wrong to deserve this treatment.
Grrr... I'm ranting again.
I'm comforted that I'm not the only one in this predicament. Like you, I wish I had the answers. If I ever find the key to all this, I'll be sure to let you know so I can help you end your struggle too.
Much <3 and uber-wing-huggles
I'm tired of trying though. I've made all the efforts to make things work. I'm met with stone walls. I can't be the bigger person anymore. Any bigger and I'll explode. Macro doesn't work in the real world. :P
*hugs*
One thing I did with my mom once when she was refusing to speak with me was write her a letter that I left on the kitchen table before heading to school. I was trying to justify something and she wouldn't listen to me, but in written form she couldn't stop reading it and can't interject and interrupt and speak more loudly than the written words. That letter got us to actually have a dialogue. It wasn't an instant fix but at least I got my side "heard" by her.
Could this be something you would think could help?
Thanks for the suggestion and for taking the time to listen. :)