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What I deal with everyday... (please read)
14 years ago
Just remember; no matter how bad things get... they can always get worse.
Tell me, does it make sense that my brother has his life handed to him on a silver platter? Now I'm not talking natural success or some shit like that, I'm talking never had to earn a dime in his life and gets money doled out to him right and left, even though "we don't have any money"; I'm sorry for this guys but in all honesty I really do think that I'm getting the short end of the stick in my family and, because I have no choice what so ever, this is all I can do to keep from walking out on them, which believe me, is getting hard not to do.
First of all, my brother, who is turning nineteen in a few weeks, has never had to work for any reason, never learned to drive because he didn't want to, has a girlfriend in KC (four and a half hours away) that he gets to see when ever he wants because mom and dad are only too willing to drive him there... goes to conventions where the only things he pays for is his costume, and food, gets money handed to him that he doesn't have to pay back for the poke'mon and yu-gi-oh card tournaments he goes to (which he makes money off of), and lives with Grandpa under the premise that he was to take over my chores while I was at work for TransAm (which didn't last long enough for him to even move in by the way).
Now, here's my story; by nineteen I had already had two jobs (one under the table for twenty dollars a week that lasted maybe three months) and the one out at the Zoo, which I absolutely do not want to do again even though I liked the work. When I was fourteen I spent four months in Canada doing an internship at a kennel (that didn't go over well... as far as I'm concerned I was screwed on that deal... the term "being thrown to the wolves" comes into play here) and was given three options for life as an adult by my father "Go to college, go into the military, or get the fuck out of my house" (that's an exact quote by the way). I got my CDL right after I turned twenty-one, another life goal (so far the count is two; I worked at a zoo, and learned how to drive trucks) and have since had three jobs, none of which lasting longer than one month, the shortest being three days because I refused to break a law that I'm required as a professional driver to live by. I do have a girlfriend finally; she's the closest thing to perfect that I've ever found and I pray every day that I wake up the next, just so I can hear her voice. She lives about sixteen hours away and I can't see her at all because "we can't afford to pay for you to go down there" even though I'm willing to pay for gas, food, and the hotel while I'm there, or at least pay it back. I live with Grandpa as well, but I take care of the three dogs we have over there, the twenty plus birds (almost all of which lay eggs), I take care of the trash, dishes, and minor chores that Grandpa needs done; he'd do them himself, but his health isn't that great, and he's a little on the lazy side. I am currently babysitter to a dog with a broken leg for the next two months, for a grand total of sixty dollars for my effort, or, one tank of gas, how ever you look at it these days. Now here's the good part; I'm also expected to have a job to help pay the bills, even though it was agreed two years ago that I would be getting four hundred dollars a month for taking care of my grandparents; my grandmother died and suddenly, no more money, only room and board, and gas when I need it, but even that is getting to be too much to afford. Helluva mouth full eh?
Now I will say this, neither of us have finished high school, but give what you've just read, who's had the better chance of doing anything about that? At least I try to work on mine...
I write stories, obviously; it's something I've wanted to do my whole life, but I find it a little hard to swallow that my brother wants to start up a card shop and all this, that'll cost millions of dollars (most of which no doubt with be given to him by our parents) and will probably never happen, where as all I want to do is get a book published which'll only take an investment of a couple thousand dollars at the very most, and if it's good enough, that investment will have been payed back within a few months after it starts selling.
I am a firm believer in the saying that "everything happens for a reason", which tells me that 1: with as many jobs as I've had in the last five/six/seven years and 2: how long each of them lasted, none being longer than six months, I'm not supposed to have a "real" job, but my father is going to try and get me an apprenticeship in a local industrial electrical company; while I appreciate the effort, I don't think it'll work out...
Now, I know I don't like to work a steady day in day out routine, and so does everyone else who knows me, in fact, I'm quite adamant about how much I hate it; I like to work on my own schedule, which is one reason I'm starting up a business, to work on my schedule, that I set to best suit the pace that I work at, which no one has ever been able to keep up with, nor understand (as if they tried). I've said it several times to several people, including my mother, "If you can't keep up, get out of my way and let me do it myself"; I understand people well enough to not get mad at them when they can't keep up with me, so I give them something else to do, I'm not one of those people who is going to jump down some one's throat just because they a little green, or work at a different speed, everyone's got their own rhythm, and I get that because when I find mine, there's not a person one who can match me; I'm very driven and don't stop when I get in the groove, it's one of the reasons I can write so much in so little time.
I have spent every day of my life trying to keep a roof over my head, that should have been granted to me without stipulation, I have earned my keep many times over, and I deserve a lot more respect, and reward than I've gotten, but I don't ask for it. I am being taken advantage of in one of the worst ways, being threatened with eviction on a daily basis, being lied to, being cheated, being forced to do things that I don't want or even need to do, and worst of all, I get told daily that I'm never going to be successful as a writer and that I should just give up because "there's no money in it", and I'm "not that good anyway" (words of my living grandmother and my father, neither of whom have ever read what I write) the one person that told me that I wouldn't be a successful writer, and actually did read my work, is the whole reason I'm still writing as often as I can, because she, albeit bluntly, explained to me why I wasn't going to be good, inexperience.
This was a mouthful in and of itself, but when you start to think about how much more is going on that I don't say, this begins to look like just the tip of the iceberg, and considering that this is the only place I can safely say all this without worrying about the repercussions of my mother reading this (God help me if she ever sees this) it should tell you something about how little I'm allowed to say or do for myself in this family.
Does anyone know how to leave everything behind and start over somewhere else? Because that's what I need to do in order to live my life the way I want, not the way everyone else wants.
First of all, my brother, who is turning nineteen in a few weeks, has never had to work for any reason, never learned to drive because he didn't want to, has a girlfriend in KC (four and a half hours away) that he gets to see when ever he wants because mom and dad are only too willing to drive him there... goes to conventions where the only things he pays for is his costume, and food, gets money handed to him that he doesn't have to pay back for the poke'mon and yu-gi-oh card tournaments he goes to (which he makes money off of), and lives with Grandpa under the premise that he was to take over my chores while I was at work for TransAm (which didn't last long enough for him to even move in by the way).
Now, here's my story; by nineteen I had already had two jobs (one under the table for twenty dollars a week that lasted maybe three months) and the one out at the Zoo, which I absolutely do not want to do again even though I liked the work. When I was fourteen I spent four months in Canada doing an internship at a kennel (that didn't go over well... as far as I'm concerned I was screwed on that deal... the term "being thrown to the wolves" comes into play here) and was given three options for life as an adult by my father "Go to college, go into the military, or get the fuck out of my house" (that's an exact quote by the way). I got my CDL right after I turned twenty-one, another life goal (so far the count is two; I worked at a zoo, and learned how to drive trucks) and have since had three jobs, none of which lasting longer than one month, the shortest being three days because I refused to break a law that I'm required as a professional driver to live by. I do have a girlfriend finally; she's the closest thing to perfect that I've ever found and I pray every day that I wake up the next, just so I can hear her voice. She lives about sixteen hours away and I can't see her at all because "we can't afford to pay for you to go down there" even though I'm willing to pay for gas, food, and the hotel while I'm there, or at least pay it back. I live with Grandpa as well, but I take care of the three dogs we have over there, the twenty plus birds (almost all of which lay eggs), I take care of the trash, dishes, and minor chores that Grandpa needs done; he'd do them himself, but his health isn't that great, and he's a little on the lazy side. I am currently babysitter to a dog with a broken leg for the next two months, for a grand total of sixty dollars for my effort, or, one tank of gas, how ever you look at it these days. Now here's the good part; I'm also expected to have a job to help pay the bills, even though it was agreed two years ago that I would be getting four hundred dollars a month for taking care of my grandparents; my grandmother died and suddenly, no more money, only room and board, and gas when I need it, but even that is getting to be too much to afford. Helluva mouth full eh?
Now I will say this, neither of us have finished high school, but give what you've just read, who's had the better chance of doing anything about that? At least I try to work on mine...
I write stories, obviously; it's something I've wanted to do my whole life, but I find it a little hard to swallow that my brother wants to start up a card shop and all this, that'll cost millions of dollars (most of which no doubt with be given to him by our parents) and will probably never happen, where as all I want to do is get a book published which'll only take an investment of a couple thousand dollars at the very most, and if it's good enough, that investment will have been payed back within a few months after it starts selling.
I am a firm believer in the saying that "everything happens for a reason", which tells me that 1: with as many jobs as I've had in the last five/six/seven years and 2: how long each of them lasted, none being longer than six months, I'm not supposed to have a "real" job, but my father is going to try and get me an apprenticeship in a local industrial electrical company; while I appreciate the effort, I don't think it'll work out...
Now, I know I don't like to work a steady day in day out routine, and so does everyone else who knows me, in fact, I'm quite adamant about how much I hate it; I like to work on my own schedule, which is one reason I'm starting up a business, to work on my schedule, that I set to best suit the pace that I work at, which no one has ever been able to keep up with, nor understand (as if they tried). I've said it several times to several people, including my mother, "If you can't keep up, get out of my way and let me do it myself"; I understand people well enough to not get mad at them when they can't keep up with me, so I give them something else to do, I'm not one of those people who is going to jump down some one's throat just because they a little green, or work at a different speed, everyone's got their own rhythm, and I get that because when I find mine, there's not a person one who can match me; I'm very driven and don't stop when I get in the groove, it's one of the reasons I can write so much in so little time.
I have spent every day of my life trying to keep a roof over my head, that should have been granted to me without stipulation, I have earned my keep many times over, and I deserve a lot more respect, and reward than I've gotten, but I don't ask for it. I am being taken advantage of in one of the worst ways, being threatened with eviction on a daily basis, being lied to, being cheated, being forced to do things that I don't want or even need to do, and worst of all, I get told daily that I'm never going to be successful as a writer and that I should just give up because "there's no money in it", and I'm "not that good anyway" (words of my living grandmother and my father, neither of whom have ever read what I write) the one person that told me that I wouldn't be a successful writer, and actually did read my work, is the whole reason I'm still writing as often as I can, because she, albeit bluntly, explained to me why I wasn't going to be good, inexperience.
This was a mouthful in and of itself, but when you start to think about how much more is going on that I don't say, this begins to look like just the tip of the iceberg, and considering that this is the only place I can safely say all this without worrying about the repercussions of my mother reading this (God help me if she ever sees this) it should tell you something about how little I'm allowed to say or do for myself in this family.
Does anyone know how to leave everything behind and start over somewhere else? Because that's what I need to do in order to live my life the way I want, not the way everyone else wants.
