OMFG...... how else can i explain such a wonderful game? such simplicity cannot be... oh who am i kidding!? this game is freakin hard man!!! but oddly enough that my current playthrough each of my weapons are practically perfect for the stage of the game i am in!!! every single weapon is only 1 level away from being max and then exclusive and that STILL DOESNT HELP!!! now that i have started this rant allow me to delve further into this shall we?

*hits the a button to jump into a pit*

The first stage... aaahhhhh the village... i love its tranquil bliss... until their is a freakin guy with a chainsaw coming right at me!!! *girly scream* but im alright! alright! just a few shotgun blasts and a whole lotta luck and whew im done! next... *girly scream again* GIANT LAKE MONSTER!!!...... then *whew* got ze key to ze church yes? then what? EL GIGANTE!! IEEEEEEE!!!! *feints* huh wha!? oh dear.. it looks as if i had defeated him with... my awesome upgraded weapons YAY *gets smacked by a tree* CURSES!!!

go to the church get the girl run with said girl through the village again to a cottage. WHEW GOOD IDEA! and by good idea i mean dumber than the idea for sopa. ANEYWAYN moving on to the next part left or right..... hmmm...... giant or mob...... well thats a no brainer the mob! *one angry mob fight later* OMG FREAKIN TWISTED CHAINSAW SISTERS WITH BANDAGED FACES!!!! *runs away in terror occasionally shooting in random directions*

NOW!!! ride the gondala across a massive bottemless chasm to fight... IEEEE crazy spider tentacle guy with CRAZY spinal issues who snaps in half!? *vomits* EWWWWW!!!!! oh now!? OH GOD HE'S CLIMBING THE RAFTERS RUN AWAY!!!

*one boss fight later*
alright whew!! now! lets see end of the final village chapter! lets see what our tally is shall we? accuracy 79% aww forget you game!!!
Kills: 213 MUHAHAAH FACE MY WRATH!!!
Deaths: 1 *frowns* w-w-wha? THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE HARD MODE!!!! LIKE UNFORGIVINGHAKNFKLRAHA!!!

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Part 2.... the Castle.... WHEW LETS DO THIS!!!!

bla bla bla run through the grounds getting shot at by catapults which totally isnt overkill at all just GIANT FLAMING ROCKS!! which make you stop dead in your tracks when they hit too close to you. WHEW!!! MOVING ON! grounds area.... NAAA nots sos muchs... get the key and find the key to the castle doors an who's the kid in the trihorn hat? oh... its salazar.... ok because that makes total sence. AAAAAAAAAAANY way find the jail key go the the prizon OMG IS DOES THAT GUY HAVE HIS EYES SEWN SHUT!? answer YES.... YES HE DOES! ok death tally so far!? 0 YAY GO HARD MODE!!! now on to the end of 3-1 WHEW... w-w-wha? r-r-really your gona oh you sonnava B@$%* whew finally after try and try again finaly got me through it lets see the death tally now hmmm.......13......t-t-thirteen.......WAGAFLAGRAGHAHAGNANAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT KICKED MY A$$ THE SAME PART!!! excuse me while i go postal.... *leaves chair and closes a door as distant screaming and yelling is heard* OK AND IM BACK.... now!!! moving on... weapons are the best they can possibly be at this point..... so its all skill not *CHAINSAW TO THE NECK* FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUU$%

and thats how i am so far in the storyline... whew... gonna get that hard mode beat.... but.... please..... dont try this at home kids.... you gotta atleast be 18 to play... sorry.