Thank you... this is helping a lot. I wish Kugetsu would see this.

thank you... but the one who deserve all the thanks is the one who made the video

well.... i wish this made things better for me but looking at me right now is the problem. I was better in the past. yeah i have had some nightmarish times. things that have left me physically and mentally and emotionally scarred. but i also had a lot of bright moments during those times. now however the bad has outweighed the good for so long i have trouble looking back on the good. and i feel i will never get to being anywhere near what i want to be. especially since i am already 40. not that i stop trying to get there. i cannot. there is some little thing in me that never lets me stop for any real length or time but i am so tired now.

but i do get what this is trying to say. it is just that it may not say it to someone who is in that dark place now.

thats exactly what its talking about i think