Then again, what's the point of complaining on a journal, if read somebody is going to chine in saying I'm becoming a drama whore, oh well, all I can say is don't respond, that goes for words of encouragement as well, some things is best left unsaid. I can count at least 5 entries I've made to this journal concerning my love life, that's 5 too many. The bottom line is that I've given up fighting for my individuality, fighting to be my own man in a relationship based on toting that barge and lifting that bale. I can rule out affection received cause all we do now is argue. The back-up plan was just to grow old together with me being the provider. That plan was promoted from plan B to the main objective. From my point of view, there is on sense in calling it quits with her and starting over from square one with somebody else since I was fortunate enough to have her interested in me in the first place. I'm too old to look for another, of any sex period. I'm too damaged to provide that balance in a relationship, which should be a nice prize for abusers, but I'm resisting the temptation. I'm ready to grow old alone with somebody who claims they love me but find me perfect for grunt work.

In the end, I have only myself to blame, that and biology. Today I go over to her sister's house for a birthday party, the next day, her mother's house for dinner, Friday I pay bills and take her shopping, and Saturday to yet another party. What does it leave me with, but Sunday to recharge, regroup, and remorse.

Oh well, such is life folks, it is what you make of it and I've made a mess of it for sure. This is the last time I will write on the subject, I figure you all had enough of this, I won't discuss this in the future.

Cheers, I guess.