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Kill - Fuck - Marry: My Little Pony edition!
14 years ago
General
The rules of Kill-Fuck-Marry are thus: You are given 3 names and you must choose which one you would kill, which you would fuck, and which you would marry. Simple enough. My mind automatically drifted into playing the game, and of course the first show I thought of was My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. Since we have 6 main characters, and it's hard to choose which 3 to play with, I'm just going to double up.
KILL:
Right off, I choose Applejack and Rarity. I seriously don't care for either of them. I don't mind them, and I don't WANT to kill any ponies, but this is required in the game and Rarity does whine. She also has no saving qualities for me. Sorry, Spike. Applejack, I apologize profusely for my opinion on this, but I simply don't like southern accents. This is more like a choice in favorite music genre, not prejudice. Obviously, I also can't stand country music. Applejack does have redeeming qualities, like her strength and business saviness, but I'm more of a big city coon. I'd imagine she'd also put up quite a fight, making the attack more fun. Rarity would have to be killed quickly to limit the whining.
FUCK:
These next two choices are the hard part. Both are basically "Who would you want to have sex with?", but there are key differences. Now, Pinkie Pie. I think she would make for a fun night. Very fun. She has lots of energy, too! And toys! She's also generally not considered to be competent in serious matters, such as taking care of babies, and even though she got a handle on taking care of the baby Cakes, I'm going to consider her simply as somepony you go to for a fun time. Of course, she might follow up the night with, "Hey! Let's do this again! FOR-EVERRRRRRRRRRR...". Thankfully, the game doesn't give her a say in the matter. The other pony I'd choose to fuck is Rainbow Dash because she's so awesome!!! Ever fucked inside a cloud? Me neither! Once again, energy is a selling point. I also have a thing for tomboys. She doesn't seem like she'd pay much attention to children, though, and she seems very self-focused, so I don't see her as wife material. I don't care if she's the element of loyalty. It's been debated that her and Applejack's elements should be switched, so it's a moot point.
MARRY:
Polygamy is legal in Ponyville, right? Well, we now only have 2 ponies remaining and both are definitely who I would consider ponies that would make good wives. Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy are both caring, responsible, and are my 2 favorite ponies. Twilight has a book for everything, and Fluttershy has a gentle demeanor but can pull out THE STARE if she needs the fillies to behave. Although one of her catchphrases is "...er... but only if you want to...", so that could be an issue(BUT NOT IN BED, HUR HUR HUR!). And even though Twilight has loads of book smarts, she has zero street smarts. Kids can easily pull one past her, as evidenced in Hearts & Hooves Day, where it was OBVIOUS that the Cutie Mark Crusaders wanted the book for the love potion recipe, but Twilight didn't catch that. On the other hand, Rainbow Dash has the street smarts and can catch little fillies in a... um, dash. However, all-in-all, Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy are the most motherly characters in MLP and the ones I'd choose to sleep with every night. In fact, to help me get to sleep, I imagine I'm in a field where Fluttershy is taking care of animals(including me) and occasionally she sings me a lullaby. Her voice is very soothing. Imagining her telling me, "Now, Ittmi, you really should get to sleep. You need to be well-rested so you can do your job in the morning." And then she would make me some magical tea to help me sleep.
BONUS ROUND:
Spike: FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck....
KILL:
Right off, I choose Applejack and Rarity. I seriously don't care for either of them. I don't mind them, and I don't WANT to kill any ponies, but this is required in the game and Rarity does whine. She also has no saving qualities for me. Sorry, Spike. Applejack, I apologize profusely for my opinion on this, but I simply don't like southern accents. This is more like a choice in favorite music genre, not prejudice. Obviously, I also can't stand country music. Applejack does have redeeming qualities, like her strength and business saviness, but I'm more of a big city coon. I'd imagine she'd also put up quite a fight, making the attack more fun. Rarity would have to be killed quickly to limit the whining.
FUCK:
These next two choices are the hard part. Both are basically "Who would you want to have sex with?", but there are key differences. Now, Pinkie Pie. I think she would make for a fun night. Very fun. She has lots of energy, too! And toys! She's also generally not considered to be competent in serious matters, such as taking care of babies, and even though she got a handle on taking care of the baby Cakes, I'm going to consider her simply as somepony you go to for a fun time. Of course, she might follow up the night with, "Hey! Let's do this again! FOR-EVERRRRRRRRRRR...". Thankfully, the game doesn't give her a say in the matter. The other pony I'd choose to fuck is Rainbow Dash because she's so awesome!!! Ever fucked inside a cloud? Me neither! Once again, energy is a selling point. I also have a thing for tomboys. She doesn't seem like she'd pay much attention to children, though, and she seems very self-focused, so I don't see her as wife material. I don't care if she's the element of loyalty. It's been debated that her and Applejack's elements should be switched, so it's a moot point.
MARRY:
Polygamy is legal in Ponyville, right? Well, we now only have 2 ponies remaining and both are definitely who I would consider ponies that would make good wives. Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy are both caring, responsible, and are my 2 favorite ponies. Twilight has a book for everything, and Fluttershy has a gentle demeanor but can pull out THE STARE if she needs the fillies to behave. Although one of her catchphrases is "...er... but only if you want to...", so that could be an issue(BUT NOT IN BED, HUR HUR HUR!). And even though Twilight has loads of book smarts, she has zero street smarts. Kids can easily pull one past her, as evidenced in Hearts & Hooves Day, where it was OBVIOUS that the Cutie Mark Crusaders wanted the book for the love potion recipe, but Twilight didn't catch that. On the other hand, Rainbow Dash has the street smarts and can catch little fillies in a... um, dash. However, all-in-all, Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy are the most motherly characters in MLP and the ones I'd choose to sleep with every night. In fact, to help me get to sleep, I imagine I'm in a field where Fluttershy is taking care of animals(including me) and occasionally she sings me a lullaby. Her voice is very soothing. Imagining her telling me, "Now, Ittmi, you really should get to sleep. You need to be well-rested so you can do your job in the morning." And then she would make me some magical tea to help me sleep.
BONUS ROUND:
Spike: FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck....
