if knowing nothing i said or did would change the situation. i kinda would just let it be. if i went in not knowing that i would try anything i could do to change it.

*Nods*

Thanks for your reply Ekans *smiles*

time heals all perhaps in time this will heal too....if its somone you've known and cared for a while redemp is never trully impossible if its a co-worker well sadly life throws twists like that and you can't let it affect your work mentality and such. Take a deep breath analyze the person and what you know about them and yourself then approach it with a sure head.

Its an unfortunate fact of life and the human condition that you can't please everyone. You will of course end up hurting some. S/he will likely end up feeling pretty poor about it for a while but there is rarely anything one can do about it. If a heartfelt apology can't make it better then only time will. I've been put through the emotional wringer a few times, some lasting a long time but I always recovered. It all depends on the person. Take solace in the fact that this will likely be a building exercise for this person and very likely make them stronger as a result. At the same time if it was a result of something on your behalf its also a learning exercise for you as well on something to avoid with others in the future as well. Pain, sadness, anger, and the likes are some of the best personal building exercises out there, far better than constant success can provide. How would one ever really learn if they never fell down a few times.

Wow, this happened to me not so long ago. I would let time do it's thing (it does miracles) and maybe try to contact and apologize to the person one last time if I see he/she's receptive. In the end, if you know you can't change anything, you have to move on....the person will too. *hug*

Well I have a question for you in regards to this one was this in regards to your work I know you do a lot of work with HIV and AIDS cases and if we are referring to something like unknowingly infecting someone you care about (which judging from your words might be what you have run into) then there really isn't a whole lot you can do you can beg forgiveness and depending on how strong the relationship you either would be or they would hate you forever and it's kinda out of your control.

As for general hurting and the like it's pretty much the same answer it's hard to convince someone to do anything when they think they are right and near impossible when they actually are. I've seen some nasty drama happen in the fandom the past few years involving a bunch of different people some of whom are quite close to me some of which was forgiven after a while and other grudges run too deep to heal properly. It all depends on the person both who was wronged and the person who wronged them on whether forgiveness is an option and even then sometimes the only cure is time.

Me myself I try to look on the other side of things and usually after hearing someones side I can forgive them but even then there are some things that I wouldn't be able to right away or maybe even after time has passed who knows.

Like blue said time heals all wounds. They might not forgive you right away because so is human nature when we have been wronged, but with time life takes over and the emotions that made us feel that way subside. I would just let them know how bad you feel about hurting them and give them as much space as they want.

Learn from your past and apply it to your future. Hopefully your friend can forgive you over time. If not then work on forgiving yourself and move on with life.
Best of luck Zets. No one is perfect.

♦ Don't assume. If you don't try, you'll never know.
♦ Actions speak louder than words.
♦ Be honest.
♦ Maintaining a dialogue is important. (ie. *Both* being able to talk with the other.)
♦ How you say something is just as if not sometimes more important than what you say.
♦ Expecting someone to be perfect all the time is naive. People do sometimes make mistakes....but that's no reason to give up.
♦ What's important is learning from mistakes so you don't repeat them is important.
♦ "Time heals all wounds." Maybe it will; maybe it wont. Certainly nothing will happen without effort. Just try to be the best person you can be and try and learn from your mistakes. Taking time to think about things can give you new perspectives and can help smooth over some of the emotions even if they may never fade completely. Really depends on the circumstances and the people involved.
♦ Is moving on the right thing? It'd say only if the other person doesn't want to see or talk to you. If two people care about each other, then they'll always try to find ways to make things work in some way or another. But remember it takes two to tango: if one person puts in effort but the other one doesn't, then after a while one of them might start to question where the other person really stands and decide it's truly time to move on.
♦ People are simple but also complicated. Sometimes over-thinking is your worse enemy. Remember, as much as you know a person, you're not in their head. So, there's always room for benefit of doubt.
♦ All rules have exceptions; even this one.

In short; each person has to decide for themselves how they will respond. I'm not sure there are any totally right answers here. Just do what you think is the right thing. I'd at least try to talk to the other person. If they are angry or don't want to talk to you right now, maybe wait a while and try one last time?

Best of luck!

Ekans is right; if nothing I did could make it right, I'd avoid the risk of making it even worse.

Well, maybe...
But nothing ventured nothing gained.
We shouldn't start thinking of people as disposable just because there are so many of them in the world.
If a person really should be left alone for good, it depends on the circumstances and the person involved.
If tensions are high I might wait awhile to let the other person cool down and think things over....but I'd at least try to fix things rather than give up and not try at all.
Unless there's solid good reasons to leave someone alone I think it's harsh to paint them as black and white because few things in this world are that extreme.
Mistakes happen and misunderstandings happen; that's part of life. What would happen if everyone just gave up each time something bad happened?!
I'd say treat people as you'd like to be treated. Wouldn't you like your friend (or whoever it is) to be as forgiving and to try to be as understanding?

Sure, I'd want my friend to forgive me. But your hypothetical conditions included that nothing you could do would ever make things right. Put another way, (or as I interpreted your wording), this friend had already given up on me. (Did I get that wrong?)

Anyway, if you don't want to give up even when things really are hopeless, probably the best way would be to let this person know you want to be forgiven and are willing to do whatever is necessary to earn his forgiveness, (within reason -- for instance, no killing yourself), then leave him (her?) alone and let him decide if and when. After all, it's your friend's decision, not yours.

Edwin Markham once said...
“He drew a circle that shut me out-
Heretic , rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle and took him In !"

OTOH, W.C. Fields once said, "If a first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it."

Well, for starters, what you are referring weren't my conditions. I never said "friend "A" had already given up on friend "B"".

Let's call this hypothetical person who was hurt "Jack", and lets name the other person "Mark".

What I did say was that for Mark to believe that Jack believes "that nothing Mark could do would ever make things right" may be far easier and more tempting than to face the possibility that there is something Mark can do to make things better. It's this "I (Mark) did nothing wrong and it's the all the other person's (Jack's) fault" kind of mentally that I don't agree with. If Mark believes that Jack is being stubborn and that Jack can't seem to see reason and on that basis Mark then chooses to do nothing instead of trying, then how is Mark any less guilty of behaving how he thinks Jack is? And the keyword here is "thinks"! Because Mark might very well be wrong with his *guess* about what Jack thinks! Unfortunately, in this scenario, Mark has already "pre-judged" Jack and characterized him as hopeless because "nothing can be done" and so arrived at the *erroneous* conclusion that the best thing to is to leave things alone and part ways.

It's more likely that both people are at fault to some degree and that the problem is the result of communication gone terribly wrong and actions misinterpreted resulting in a big misunderstanding that leaves one or both people hurt. It might also be because of some kind of incompatible clash of ideologies.

Point is, I think a lot of people prefer the convent route of saying that things are hopeless because then they are off the hook rather than admit that there might actually be something they can do.

Now, I'm not saying there aren't situations when it's better to leave things alone and part ways. However, unless your are absolutely sure you are doing the right thing then I would heavily resist going that route. Even then, I would probably be open to my friend (or x-friend) if they wanted to try and make things right in the future. But if I thought that everything I did just seemed to make things worse for both people and I had tried everything I could think and tried for a very long time without success, only then might I conclude that the most sensible course of action would be to part ways.

Also, it depends on other factors to like how close you were with this person to begin with. I would be willing to invest more effort into someone I had been friends with and valued for years than for someone who I might have met a say a month ago.

If I physically hurt someone in a way that affected them for the rest of their life, I would feel most responsible to give a very heartfelt apology and offer to make things right or help them out in any way I could.

If I emotionally hurt someone in a life-changing way, I would again offer my very deepest apology, if they were willing to hear me out. At that point they could accept my apology or reject it. If they refuse to listen to my apology and want no contact with me, at that point it would be best if I stayed out of that person's life permanently. To keep trying to pry my way in to make amends when it's unwanted would only make things worse.