Well, I'm packed and ready to go to FF this weekend. A little more needs to be done, but we leave tomorrow. I should be thrilled, looking forward to a fun weekend surrounded by like-minded people (or at least those of similar interests).

Instead, I find myself depressed. And it all seems to center around my soon-to-be-former roommates.

First, let me be clear: they're good guys. I enjoy hanging out with them, chatting with them, etc. They're practically family, and I may have gotten too attached (at least to one of them). In short, they're good friends in my book. Yet, today is (if everything they're saying is true) the last full day I'll be spending in their company. They're moving out, supposedly within a day or 2 of the con.

Even setting aside the fact that I'll miss their company, and that I do very poorly when left alone, I still find reason to be depressed. As I doubt they'll read this, I'll put it bluntly: I think they're making a big mistake. I won't explain why publicly, mostly for their sake, but both reason and gut feeling say that their new living plans will not go well for anyone involved. I'm honestly worried for them. In fact, it's been occupying my thoughts for much of the past week.

I've worried over their relationships for most of the last 2 years, even tried to help where I could. Not sure if its done any good. I'm hoping that things continue to improve (and ever the optimist, I believe I've been seeing improvement), and I hope they and those they love can be happy together and resolve their issues. And given how they've withdrawn from and withheld more from me since moving in, it's not like I have too many indications as to what's going on. I only hope its good (and that the nagging doubts in the back of my mind are baseless).

I can't even pretend to say I've been a good roommate. I eavesdrop (mostly by accident), I'm emotionally unstable (or so I'm told), I lost my job and car, get depressed or annoyed about half the time they screw (alone or with company), and I get upset or hurt over what are apparently innocent things or "facts". Still, I try. I do what is asked of me where I can, until I lost my job, I'd been paying the rent, water, trash, lights, and part of the food (in addition to my own fuel/bus fare, food, credit cards, insurance, and student loans), I've been helping try and keep the house clean (even mostly taking over the dishes after I lost my job), and I offer to help or at least listen when they seem troubled (while usually told its none of my business or there's no point in telling me because I can't help). Can't say I blame them if they don't look at me favorably as a roommate. Hope their next one does a better job.

I'm worried for them, and I feel as though the road ahead of them is a hard one, even compared to mine (alone, unemployed, appealing my denied unemployment, on food stamps now, without transportation, and unsure how I'll get by after next month). I can manage. I always have. Any help would be welcome, of course, and that kindness would invariably be repaid later. But, being younger and generally less experienced with the world, I worry that they don't know what they're getting into, and worry that they won't know how to get out of it later, or have the means to. When/if that time comes, I'll do what I can for them, and I hope they know that I'm here for them if they need it.

Sorry for the long journal, but I needed to say this somewhere, and I'm not sure too many would want to listen. Thanks for at least reading. Now to return to my job search.