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Resources I found for Submissives
13 years ago
Some things I found that help me remember that being a submissive does not mean being a doormat.
Being a Healthy Submissive
1. The healthy submissive is capable of, and thrives on, intense, intimate, emotionally open relationships. This is often evident in the number of nourishing, sustaining, and life affirming friendships she makes over the years.
2. The healthy submissive is a giver. She often needs help to ration herself because her impulses nearly always lead her to want to do good for others.
3. The healthy submissive is capable of intense joy, especially in the context of a sustaining relationship.
4. The healthy submissive finds significant relaxation when properly related. She is at ease in that place.
5. The healthy submissive has finely tuned interpersonal sensitivity. She is reactive to subtle shifts in the emotional tone of others.
6. The healthy submissive has a fluidity of self, a flexibility that enables her to adapt to changing circumstances.
7. The healthy submissive is playful.
8. The healthy submissive has no more than the usual cultural conflicts about her body, and its goodness and beauty.
9. The healthy submissive takes pride in her accomplishments.
10. The healthy submissive accepts herself as she is, knowing that while her culture values independence and self sufficiency, she has strong dependency needs and that there is no inherent "wrongness" about those needs.
11. The healthy submissive seeks nourishing relationships.
12. The healthy submissive, in accepting herself "as is" is tolerant of others. But neither will she allow anyone to tell her what her truth should be.
13. The healthy submissive has a reasonable self concept, aware of her difficulties as well as her strengths.
14. The healthy submissive hunger is to be the object of an intense and penetrating understanding. When her nature is understood and she is held in a loving and firm frame, her devotion is almost limitless. The healthy submissive has an enormous capacity for devotion, from which springs her service.
(Don't remember where I found it)
Commitement to Myself
I am the world’s best authority on the subject – ME.
More than any other person, I know what is best for myself.
I can be an individual, who lets things happen to me,
or I can determine to be in charge of my life,
to be an autonomous and free person.
I can dream and also plan,
make choices and decisions,
express my wants and needs,
assert my individual self, my rights, and ideas.
I can create, Play, and
share who I really am as a human being.
TODAY – I commit myself to be and act, as I know I can be:
the real me,
The best me possible.
I know I need to be close to another person – at times
I will seek to fulfill that need,
but love them no more than I love myself,
nor meet their needs at the sacrifice of my own.
In whatever conflict I experience,
I will meet the other person half way,
but will not be a loser that they might be a winner.
I will not put myself down or discount my feelings
or intelligence.
I don’t need my own criticism of myself.
TODAY – I make these commitments to myself,
to be my own best friend.
Author Unknown ~ http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/myself.html
Submissive's Creed
I will communicate with complete honesty my needs, desires, limits, and experience. I realize that failing to do so will not only prevent my Master and I from having the best experience possible, but can also lead to physical and emotional harm. I will not try to manipulate my Master. I will not push to make a scene go the way I feel it should. I will keep an open mind about trying things that I am not accustomed to or comfortable with and expanding my limits. I will continue to grow as a submissive and as a human being. I will accept the responsibility of discovering what pleases my Master, and will do my best to fulfill His wishes and desires. I will not allow myself to be harmed or abused, I know that submissive does not equal doormat.
I will be courteous and helpful to my fellow submissive s, I will share my knowledge and experiences with others in the hope that they will learn from where I have been I will take the time to help those new to the scene start out on the correct path.
I will be responsive to my Master, I will not try to hide what my mind and body are feeling so that I may assist Him in His responsibilities as my Authority, I know that Dominants are not telepathic, and will not expect my Master to know thought or feelings which I do not share.
I will not be boastful of experiences I have had as a sub. I know that my actions reflect upon my Master, and will do my best to help others see him in a positive way, I will not intentionally embarrass or displease my Master.
Above all, I will wear my title of submissive with honor, I will never cause others to think that being submissive means to be weak or sub~human. I will take pride in who and what I am, and will never show myself in a negative way.
Submissive's Creed © http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/creed.html
Responsibility's of a Submissive
Spend adequate time exploring yourself, your needs and desires.
Educate yourself - make the most of the resources that are available, but don't believe everything you hear or read. Trust reputable sources, but make your own mind up about what is the truth.
Learn what your needs, desires and goal are; define them adequately. Make a list.
Learn the difference between what you need and what you desire. Sometimes you cannot have both.
Learn and understand your limitations, in depth.
Learn the safety issues of all areas of your interest. Protect yourself adequately.
Remember you have the right to "ask".
Remember common sense, and use it.
Remember the choice to submit is not a sign of weakness it is an adult choice.
Be aware of the difference between safe, sane and consensual BDSM and abuse. Do not suffer abuse from anyone. If it is not consensual on behalf of both parties part it is abuse.
Learn how to negotiate. Don't be afraid to ask, question and communicate.
Understand and incorporate the full meaning of safe, sane and consensual.
Continue to learn and grow.
Seek advice or assistance when you need it.
Own your feelings.
Be honest with yourself.
Respect yourself and be respectful of others who deserve of it.
Recognize that your submission is given freely and that it is not something to be taken by force. Choose wisely to whom you give.
Be patient. Growth takes time.
Accept responsibility for your own happiness and welfare.
Allow yourself adequate time for healing when you have been hurt.
Balance your submission with the other areas of your life.
Remember that you have the right to say "No".
Never let anyone take your self-dignity away.
Like yourself, love yourself, be your own best friend.
Remember others also have agendas and they may not be the same as yours.
Don't allow yourself to be used, unless of course, that is part of your kink.
Be careful what you wish for...you may just get it.
Communicate your needs to your partner, ask for what you desire (do not demand or expect).
Because you choose to submit to a partner does not mean you are submissive to anyone else.
Communicate your limits to your partner. Expect them to be respected.
Refuse to participate in any activity outside of your limits or that you are not ready for.
Negotiate with complete honesty and embracing the concepts of safe, sane and consensual.
Accept your partner’s limits. (Yes, Dominants have limits too.) They also have the right to say "No".
Communicate your feelings without blame or guilt.
Be as interested in what your partner feels and says as you are in yourself.
Remember that you and your partner are human and entitled to understanding, compassion and support.
Refuse to allow yourself to be abused, be it emotionally, physically, or psychologically.
Forgive yourself and your partner for mistakes.
Ask your partner for help when you need it.
Expect respect from your partner.
Respect your partner.
Be appreciative of the gift of Domination that your partner gives to you.
Take pride and strive for excellence in your submission as you do in everyday life.
Continue to grow and learn.
Take pride in your appearance.
It is your responsibility to be of good health and to advise your partner of any change in that regard.
Listen to your partner and His/Her needs and desires.
Be willing to consider, with an open mind, what your partner suggests or requests.
Understand that it takes two to make a partnership work. Be willing to accept your share of the blame when things go wrong.
Remember that before D/s, basic humanness comes first. Know when it is time to set aside D/s and be a helper, friend, lover, husband, mother, wife or whatever.
Have realistic expectations of your partner and yourself.
Be patient.
(Don't remember where I found it)
Rights of a Submissive
I have the right to set limits, and expect them to be respected. I have the right to adjust these limits at any time, with notice to you. I have the right to expect you to push them, to force me to create new limits and boundaries.
I have the right to privacy. I expect you to be concerned about time we spend apart, but I expect you to understand that I am a person, separate from you, and thusly having problems and situations in my life that I will not need your help with. I have the right to expect you will respect me for my independence and not criticize me for it. I have the right to ask you for help, should I need it. I have the right to be trusted, providing I have earned it, and I have the right to expect you to believe I am an intelligent, caring and loyal person.
I have the right to ask things of you, and have you listen to my requests. I have the right to ask for your attention, without having to misbehave to get it. I have the right to ask you to contribute as much to this relationship as I do. As long as my requests are submitted respectfully, I expect you to consider them as you would from any friend or colleague. I have the right to question your motives, should you deny my requests, as long as I do so with the proper respect.
I have the right to expect you to administer punishment with care and caution. I have the right to use my safewords at any point, should I feel them necessary. I have the right to get up and walk away from a scene if you have crossed the line. I have the right to expect you to respect my decisions, and not think less of me, or abandon me for them.
I have the right to speak up if I feel our relationship is not giving me what I need. I have the right to tell you what I need, in a respectful manner. I have the right to expect you to understand my reasons for doing so, and the right to expect you to listen with an open mind. I have the right to walk away from the relationship if we cannot come to a common ground on these issues.
I have the right to expect tenderness, love and understanding after a scene is completed, should it be what I desire. I have the right to ask you for that tenderness if I've had a bad day, or if I just feel the need for closeness. I understand that there will be times when you and I will disagree about this -- when you will want a scene, and I will not. I have the right to call for a talk about this, and to expect you to listen to and consider my reasonings. I expect you to have the final word, but I expect you to wholeheartedly consider my feelings, whatever they may happen to be.
I have the right to expect our relationship to progress, for trust to continually be renewed, for our souls to be as close as our bodies are. I have the right to tell you if I need more from you, and I expect you to respect my decisions about what I want and need. I expect you to want the relationship to progress, unless decided otherwise beforehand. I expect you to understand that deep trust often breeds love, and I expect you not to repel me if I tell you that I love you. For I will love you, my master, should our relationship move ahead, should our trust continue to grow.
I have the right to expect you to tell me, at any point, if you do not feel you can return those feelings, so that I may decide what I want and need. For it is your pleasure that adds to my own, makes it real. And mine, that adds to yours.
Copyright ©1995 TheScreamer
Vir
~vir
I didn't read all of it, but this is pretty much what I say every time to everybody. ^_^ *steals to post her own journal*
KitaraSoftpaw
~kitarasoftpaw
OP
Be my guest, I love these resources, something I heavily rely on, having had people abuse my submission before I realized what it was
Vir
~vir
course, you have to admit that there are those times when being a doormat for a scene is just what a lot of subbies desire XD
KitaraSoftpaw
~kitarasoftpaw
OP
true true but that a WILLING sdoormat....
