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warning: emo rant
13 years ago
I got scolded by virt earlier today for saying “sound engine”. Who is virt? Virt is none other than Jeff Kauffman (sp?), the guy who made music for Contra 4 and possibly Shantae. He’s a very very highly respected chiptune guy. He scolded me big time, and really, I can’t argue with that, because he’s motherfucking Virt. I can’t possibly argue with him about what he knows best.
What I’m saying is fuck my illiteracy getting me into trouble with peers I can’t argue with.
What the fuck was I thinking even going into music making, or even game development, when I can’t be bothered forgetting how to draw to make way for remembering entire books about programming and music making and sound design and everything and possibly get an aneurysm from so much information crammed in and being kept in check in case it goes full-on dementia on my ass?
What was I thinking when I said that this time-wasting thing called game development came to dictate my dreams because I’m getting fed up with my own bitching about games practically being designed to frustrate me in constantly changing between different games to get different fixes? (this practically means that all this shit is just out of supposed impassioned faux-professional necessity so poke fun about that how you will)
What was I fucking thinking wasting all my fucking time fucking playing video games and drawing fucking shitty things for the first 23 years of my life whereas tons of kids from 2 generations ago have made games in their basements and build their careers into something monumental in their lives? Having 2 skills that is among the most useless for long-term investment anybody can imagine. I can’t speak on behalf of other people of my ilk, but what the fuck can I do with ultimately lifeless and utterly fucking terrible uncanny-valley-ridden drawings that I can only stare at indefinitely?
My encounter with Virt isn’t the first time I’ve been whacked by a superior peer. In fact it’s happened so many times that I’m convinced this is the bulk of the help I’ll get if I go to StackOverflow and ask anything related to game development.
No amount of self-flagellation can possibly match the level of ire I have at myself. Oxygen wasted on an ungrateful impatient belligerent and near-sociopathic illegitimate lovechild like me. But I still can’t commit suicide the fast way. I still have a few decades of suffering left. It won’t be long until I’m dead, and the world will be a better place, free from exposure to my stupidity, illiteracy and constant self-pitying rants. As long as I stay a cosmically-manipulated retarded fucking moron, any kind of hope for my future might as well go to the brains of stand-up caustic comedians thinking of more ways to viciously make fun of people.
What I’m saying is fuck my illiteracy getting me into trouble with peers I can’t argue with.
What the fuck was I thinking even going into music making, or even game development, when I can’t be bothered forgetting how to draw to make way for remembering entire books about programming and music making and sound design and everything and possibly get an aneurysm from so much information crammed in and being kept in check in case it goes full-on dementia on my ass?
What was I thinking when I said that this time-wasting thing called game development came to dictate my dreams because I’m getting fed up with my own bitching about games practically being designed to frustrate me in constantly changing between different games to get different fixes? (this practically means that all this shit is just out of supposed impassioned faux-professional necessity so poke fun about that how you will)
What was I fucking thinking wasting all my fucking time fucking playing video games and drawing fucking shitty things for the first 23 years of my life whereas tons of kids from 2 generations ago have made games in their basements and build their careers into something monumental in their lives? Having 2 skills that is among the most useless for long-term investment anybody can imagine. I can’t speak on behalf of other people of my ilk, but what the fuck can I do with ultimately lifeless and utterly fucking terrible uncanny-valley-ridden drawings that I can only stare at indefinitely?
My encounter with Virt isn’t the first time I’ve been whacked by a superior peer. In fact it’s happened so many times that I’m convinced this is the bulk of the help I’ll get if I go to StackOverflow and ask anything related to game development.
No amount of self-flagellation can possibly match the level of ire I have at myself. Oxygen wasted on an ungrateful impatient belligerent and near-sociopathic illegitimate lovechild like me. But I still can’t commit suicide the fast way. I still have a few decades of suffering left. It won’t be long until I’m dead, and the world will be a better place, free from exposure to my stupidity, illiteracy and constant self-pitying rants. As long as I stay a cosmically-manipulated retarded fucking moron, any kind of hope for my future might as well go to the brains of stand-up caustic comedians thinking of more ways to viciously make fun of people.
That's basically it. And he was well within his intellectual rights to be that way. I mean come on, he's a goddamn professional.