back in '08, when I graduated from High school, I was immature, slightly overweight, and completely unsure about what I should do with my life. Fast forward to now, nearly 4 years later, and I am incredibly immature, slightly overweight, and completely unsure about what to do with myself.

I'm a rather negative person. I have problems listening to and understanding other people, I swear a lot (and this irks me so much. But I can't help it...), and I have a ridiculously tenuous relationship with some people that keeps my emotional state in an unstable and unhealthy flux that is sickening to me.

I've never responded well to change. As an OCD-ridden creature of habit and routine, any slight tip in a different direction destabilizes me in a wildly dramatic fashion. I'm grumpy, I don't eat well, I don't sleep, I spend long periods of time spacing out while on my feet.

And people, I'm sure, have noticed.

I'm falling back into the way I acted back in the days when I was frequently bullied by people online and offline. I'm in such a fragile emotional state that even the slightest strike to my ego will send me into depression and anxiety. I don't like being like this, it alienated all the people I care about and fuels the flames of my negativity.

And "I'm sorry" isn't enough to mend relationships when I loose my temper.

So, with all that is happening to me right now, I vow to be a better person again. There are things that I have to do to make this happen and I know what they are. It's just such a challenge for me to stick to principle most of the time, like a wayward New Year's resolution. But sometimes just trying is enough.

Negativity be damned.