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I swear Im alive
17 years ago
I can't believe its been a year since I've updated on here, Im such a slacker! *chuckles*
I really am alive, so any rumors or misconceptions are false on that factor ^^ Recently made my way back to Fresno,CA to live with my sister and brother in law for a time. Last week and such been hunting up jobs and trying to figure out whats going on in life for me. So far the job huntings not been going so well which has me worried as i’ve only two weeks to find one before I have to move to go to Mom’s house. Which all in all isn’t really that bad of a deal, it just makes me worried about living with them. they haven’t nessarily been doing well in there household and I don’t want to an added burden. Not to metion a added stress in some of the tensions going on around there.
My reasons for moving back to Fresno is William, and as they were going to mephis I didn’t think it would be for my best interest to follow him and Jacob down to where there family is. Sad to say that it caused some hurt feelings which Im not very happy about. I didn’t mean to step on toes or break a promsie. Which Im ashamed to admit that I did. One of those hard decisions to make in life sadly,but for the most part it seemed like the right one. I just feel bad that I hurt folks in my decision. Not something easy to live with,but from William and Jacob both I learned a lot which im not sorry about. I still love Jacob as my brother who I wish was my blood. He was good to me and helped me back onto my feet which I didn’t think was possible. He provided me with a job that earned me a roof over my head and food in my stomache. Not to mention he helped to keep me clothed, without him I probablly would’ve ended up into a really bad part of life. In a way he saved me from myself and gave me the means to live that I could accept without injury to my pride. For that I will always be thankful and grateful to him. He still stand by me even though I broke my word to him. Something that is very humble and honestly quiet astonish. I can only hope to repay him one day, who knows with what life has to offer.
William, what can i say about him? He gave me a year and a half of his life and love. Something that I wont ever regret or be sorry about. He taught me so much about myself and helped me get over some of my nasty past. He helped me become a stronger woman with a bit more confident in myself. Something that I didn’t think would come about. Yet through his love and support I’ve become better. So many fond memories with him, of our time together and the fact we’re able to walk away as friends says something of his character. I miss him as he was a huge part of my life, but as I said. It was my choice to break up with him. Cant say I regret it other than I had to hurt him by leaving him to complete my choice. For that I will be eternally sorry and hope that one day he’ll forgive me for it. I wish him nothing but the best in his life and hope he finds someone who can be everything that he wants.
Job hunting, yea thats been loads of fun let me tell you. *Insert huge sarcasm* Constantly getting up and walking to go out and about to try and find something hasn’t been exactly fun for me. My body doesn’t like the constant activity and likes to protest often me going out and about. To bad my body doesn’t get a say in whats happening. Lots of hot showrs and advil help to keep going and stay strong for it. That and the loving suport of my friends and family that help more than anything. Just hope that eventually it will pay off so I can save up money and get back out of fresno. Its the armpit of the US I swear and I dont like it here. Only reason I came back was because my
Sister and greg were willing to open there home to me for a time. Again lover my mother but I want to try avoiding actually returning ’home’ yet again after everything. its given me time to gather myself and make sure Im sticking to what I want. I’ve a few options open to me if I save up enough money and I intend to take up on at least one.
My hopes for the future is that I’ll be able to save up enough money to move up near OR. Either to find a place around my ’sister and brother’ in portland or make a home for me in Eugene with the family and friends that I have there. Mom S has been wonderful and suportive through everything and I love her and her family so dearly. So if things work out rightly I should be able to find a home up there with her and her son Tony. Who is one of my best friends in the world, he’s been there through so much shit and hasn’t walked away from me even in my nastier times. SO Im hoping by someone’s good grace to be up and on my feet to head out of the Armpit. Just keep me in your prayers and such, I can use all the help possible at the end of the day to meet the next challenges and day.
Love for all of you and hope your all well in life. that nothing but happiness and joy greet you each day.
All love and hugs for you,
Beth
I really am alive, so any rumors or misconceptions are false on that factor ^^ Recently made my way back to Fresno,CA to live with my sister and brother in law for a time. Last week and such been hunting up jobs and trying to figure out whats going on in life for me. So far the job huntings not been going so well which has me worried as i’ve only two weeks to find one before I have to move to go to Mom’s house. Which all in all isn’t really that bad of a deal, it just makes me worried about living with them. they haven’t nessarily been doing well in there household and I don’t want to an added burden. Not to metion a added stress in some of the tensions going on around there.
My reasons for moving back to Fresno is William, and as they were going to mephis I didn’t think it would be for my best interest to follow him and Jacob down to where there family is. Sad to say that it caused some hurt feelings which Im not very happy about. I didn’t mean to step on toes or break a promsie. Which Im ashamed to admit that I did. One of those hard decisions to make in life sadly,but for the most part it seemed like the right one. I just feel bad that I hurt folks in my decision. Not something easy to live with,but from William and Jacob both I learned a lot which im not sorry about. I still love Jacob as my brother who I wish was my blood. He was good to me and helped me back onto my feet which I didn’t think was possible. He provided me with a job that earned me a roof over my head and food in my stomache. Not to mention he helped to keep me clothed, without him I probablly would’ve ended up into a really bad part of life. In a way he saved me from myself and gave me the means to live that I could accept without injury to my pride. For that I will always be thankful and grateful to him. He still stand by me even though I broke my word to him. Something that is very humble and honestly quiet astonish. I can only hope to repay him one day, who knows with what life has to offer.
William, what can i say about him? He gave me a year and a half of his life and love. Something that I wont ever regret or be sorry about. He taught me so much about myself and helped me get over some of my nasty past. He helped me become a stronger woman with a bit more confident in myself. Something that I didn’t think would come about. Yet through his love and support I’ve become better. So many fond memories with him, of our time together and the fact we’re able to walk away as friends says something of his character. I miss him as he was a huge part of my life, but as I said. It was my choice to break up with him. Cant say I regret it other than I had to hurt him by leaving him to complete my choice. For that I will be eternally sorry and hope that one day he’ll forgive me for it. I wish him nothing but the best in his life and hope he finds someone who can be everything that he wants.
Job hunting, yea thats been loads of fun let me tell you. *Insert huge sarcasm* Constantly getting up and walking to go out and about to try and find something hasn’t been exactly fun for me. My body doesn’t like the constant activity and likes to protest often me going out and about. To bad my body doesn’t get a say in whats happening. Lots of hot showrs and advil help to keep going and stay strong for it. That and the loving suport of my friends and family that help more than anything. Just hope that eventually it will pay off so I can save up money and get back out of fresno. Its the armpit of the US I swear and I dont like it here. Only reason I came back was because my
Sister and greg were willing to open there home to me for a time. Again lover my mother but I want to try avoiding actually returning ’home’ yet again after everything. its given me time to gather myself and make sure Im sticking to what I want. I’ve a few options open to me if I save up enough money and I intend to take up on at least one.
My hopes for the future is that I’ll be able to save up enough money to move up near OR. Either to find a place around my ’sister and brother’ in portland or make a home for me in Eugene with the family and friends that I have there. Mom S has been wonderful and suportive through everything and I love her and her family so dearly. So if things work out rightly I should be able to find a home up there with her and her son Tony. Who is one of my best friends in the world, he’s been there through so much shit and hasn’t walked away from me even in my nastier times. SO Im hoping by someone’s good grace to be up and on my feet to head out of the Armpit. Just keep me in your prayers and such, I can use all the help possible at the end of the day to meet the next challenges and day.
Love for all of you and hope your all well in life. that nothing but happiness and joy greet you each day.
All love and hugs for you,
Beth
