for those of you who dont know there is an event called Anime Central (ACen) only about a month away in a town near where i live

so i was getting very excited about this i had prepaid for a badge and was chatting up a bunch of friends who were also going to see if i could room with them and now its only just recently i discovered that i would not even have enough money to attend even at a low cost of 40$ for the hotel and 60 for Admission

i feel that i let myself down big time and whats worse i basically had to choose insurance over this thing that could have been lots of fun and now because im so low on money i really cant do much of fucking anything like put gas in my car, buy things to eat, or even start to think about college

im still incapable of finding a job that pays enough where i could live off it that fact of which im glad i still live with my parents but seriously of all the places i couldnt go because my funds drew up short this is the most devastating to me because i have been planning this out from LAST YEARS ACEN

dammit i really really wish i didnt lose my job at petsmart OVER SOME GODDAMNED DOG WITH FLEA AND TICK STUFF last december that was the best fucking place i ever worked at and i fucked myself over because of a string of simple goddamned mistakes

and you know what im feeling piss poor enough already might as well get all my problems off my chest

problem #1 im out of shape and i have no drive to better myself in any fucking fashion emotionally physically mentally what the fuck ever

problem #2 ive seriously let my room and section of the house turn into an utter goddam pig sty because i apparently am a fucking hoarder and my parents are trying to coerce me into tossing out all of my shit but riddle me this WOULD YOU toss out things that you regularly use or that you got in a previous birthday/holiday function NO YOU WOULDNT BECAUSE THATS A: DISRESPECTFUL TO THROW OUT A RECENT GIFT AND B: IRRESPONSIBLE TO THROW OUT THINGS YOU ACTUALLY USE

problem #3 my love life is just so fucked up right now cause you know what i was stupid enough to ask 3 yes 3 seperate people to be my bf/ be my mate/ etc and you know what THEY ALL SAID YES when i asked them and worst yet one recently just got out of a relationship that we all really thought would work out forever

Kody
Fire
Kar

I love you all i really do youre all so fun to talk to and talk with your seriously some of my best friends but i just dont want to hurt you guys with being utterly deceitful and going around behind your backs my spark is just so dim right now for everything but i will seriously always love you guys with a different part of my heart but i just need to give you guys what you really deserve and thats someone who isnt me

problem #4 ive been getting increasingly temperamental and agitated and uncaring with about everything in my life this is why i havent really commented on anything in i dunno about a month and i also think its showing thru with the people i talk too and i dont want to lose someone as a friend purely because they catch me at a more negative day

problem #5 i havent even been trying to draw anything and im tired of people saying my work is good ohh my work is watch worthy the best things i do lately are utter jack shit scratches and doodles and part 2 as to why i havent been commenting on art lately is I ENVY ALL YOU ARTISTIC FUCKS WHO CAN SIT DOWN AND JUST DRAW OR WRITE OR PLAN THEIR THINGS OUT IN A WAY THAT LOOKS OR SOUNDS GOOD AND IT PISSES ME OFF ROYALLY

problem #6 IM SITTING AND STAGNATING IN THIS BOREDOM BASED CESS POOL AND NOT DOING A GOD DAMMNED THING ABOUT IT I TRY TO ENTERTAIN MYSELF PUT ON A HAPPY FACE PLAY A GAME ...but you know what it really boils down too I MISS THE GOOD OL DAYS of when my messenger lists were populated with like 50-80 different people WHO ALL WANTED TO TALK TO ME now its just 3 or 4 people that i always talk too and that i always chat with and that i always hang out with both irl and online and its just fucking boring the shit out of my brains what the fuck happened to those days where in one 24 hour span i could easily talk to like 120 different people or hang out with another i dunno 20

problem fuck whos counting anymore

the town/area i live in is a partial root to my boredom issues and the fact i have NO MONEY to go do fun things is a real damper on EVERYTHING i want to just get out of this humdrum life stage and move the fuck on to some happier times but that isnt gonna happen unless i do SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE OTHER THEN SIT ON MY STEADILY FATTENING ASS

all of you who know me and i mean seriously know me know i dont believe things happen at the grace of god spirits or what the fuck else higher things can be called

you have to work at it determinedly and focused to get anything done to get anywhere in life to succeed in this fucking system we call modern living


ok im done now THANKS ALL WHO READ AND COMMENT AND LISTEN... BUT GOD HELP YOU IF YOU JUST LEAVE A SMILEY OR SOME MONO SYLLABIC RESPONSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH A METAL BAT MADE TO LOOK LIKE WHATEVER WORD/SMILEY YOU LEAVE ME... but seriously read and comment on this foxes ramblings