Well, I posted this on DA, but y'know I have a few people here who aren't there so I might as well post this here too.

In Grade 5 to 8, I was bullied nearly every day, I was stabbed in the back, mocked and openly insulted and people who claimed to be my friends were actually trying to make fun of me. As a result, it affected my overall lifestyle. I found comfort in food, I have very little social skills, but the worst is probably my Paranoia.

See, because of all this, I have a serious paranoia. So serious in fact that I caused me to self inflict and attempt suicide nearly 8 times. In high school I'm starting to get over it, but I still slip up... A LOT. What my paranoia makes me think is that everyone is talking behind my back and secretly hates me. I never talk about it, I've never even told anyone about it. I'm too afraid people will look at me funny and laugh at me... yah, it's THAT bad. As a result, I may do things that make people upset, and I REALLY, REALLY don't mean It, I swear! I just... I don't know, I just feel like everyone has a hate agenda on me and It drives me mad, and makes me ULTRA defensive.

I can't bring myself to see a therapist because I don't want my parents to know about it. I know people won't account this for many things I've done, and will decide that this is a load of shit, and honestly I can't change that, but please, please don't hate me for it. I don't mean to be like that I just... well, you get the point.


Sorry for tl;dr, If you'll excuse me, I need some Chris Cornell to calm myself.