Well things have still been very painful, and have finally come a bit to a head. The first month of my ex and I agreeing not to really have contact was not really followed through. We continued to play WOW although trying to not chat too much, (however sometimes we would get into some conversations that sometimes would get stressful). He came over a few times and slept over, but every time he would come, get comforted and nurtured, or spend time with me, he would then go back to not talking to me. Basically he had all the control and I always obliged, which was just not healthy. I still love him, and am in so much pain over this, but he has completely, no questions, regressed back to the sorry sap he was when I first took him in. He has gone back to drinking, acting out, writing immature things on FB, being negative and mean, and self depreciating, and it just pains me to see all of his self growth and work, thrown down the toilet. He is blurring boundaries with his female employee, writing inappropriate things on FB, when his boss is a friend of his on there, making ME out to be crazy so he can get sympathy from his FB ego strokers, like this new girl he isn't interested in, but is using..

I want to help him so bad, but i know that this time I can't save him, and I can't help him unless he WANTS to be helped. Things finally came to a head, when I was stupid enough to take up his offer to chat on FB. (He hasn't had me open to chat with him on there even a bit before we broke up.) Things started out light, but then started to get heavy as he began to twist things I had said, and try and reneg on some agreements. Anyways, my computer lagged, (which he has had experiences with.. Actually when we were together sometimes we would have entire arguments because he would think I hadn't responded to something, and he just needed to refresh his page.) Anyways, he had told me if I said anything else he was going to block me. Of course I didn't see this until it was too late. He THEN had the audacity to text me something else, that was the last straw for me. I don't want to tell you specifics because if at the end of six months we DO reconcile, I dont want all my follwers to hate him lol.

We had agreed to have complete space for the 6 months, but neither of us really followed it. He still had stuff left at my place, sort of like a foot in the door. Whenever he came over to "get his stuff" he would wind up sleeping over, and would then in the morning say he didn't have time to get it, so it was sort of like we were never completely separated. So after this, I gathered up the rest of his stuff, and drove to his place of work. He must have been vibing with me, and knew that he screwed up, because RIGHT as I pulled into the parking lot, (without him knowing) he sent me an apology text, telling me he wasn't mad, etc. He really dodged a bullet because I also had written out a 7 page letter, saying EVERYTHING I had ever felt like I wanted to say, that was basically a "that's it, goodbye" letter. I responded, that" I appreciate that, but I AM mad, I have your stuff here in the parking lot. Come put it in your car. I still love you, but I think this is best for now, before any more damage is done." He agreed and came out, we talked, he bought me coffee, and we hugged, he also said he was sorry about the FB thing, and he knows it was an accident. We agreed, however, to just leave it that way because it would just be less tempting and easier for us both to not be able to see each other's FB accounts. We then agreed to start the 6 months over and really follow it this time, giving ourselves OCT 1st as our reevaluation day. We MAY see each other in a month if all goes well for our bdays which are close together.

I hope he is in a slightly better space by then. Already he has been being even more crazy. Passover is his fave holiday and I felt AWFUL that he had no where to go. He was supposed to go to one of our friend's for dinner at least, but I found out he didn't. My brother just texted him, "Happy Passover." and got quite the sad negative response. Apparently he spent the night drinking in his basement apartment. I am so worried about him, and hate that I can't do a thing, and anything i try and do just makes things worse, since he wants me to leave him alone right now. I contacted him ONE time since, because I found even more of his clothes, so simply asked how he wanted me to get them to him. His response was "leave me alone." then I heard from one of our mutual friends still on his FB that he ranted about that, about how he "isn't even safe on skype, and everyone be ware of his ex." like seriously? oooooohhh be ware of the clothes giving ex! she's dangerous! he is just nuts right now. He isn't even a fraction of the man he was when we were together. Hopefully he will realize his mistake before its too late. I would have accepted him and worked through it all anyways. For now I am focusing on myself and my goals, and my life.

NOW on to the good news:

I don't want to jynx it, or get ahead of myself, but my last skype session with Joe Murray went AWESOME he is totally enthralled by the fantasy feature I am creating. Yes, I have decided to make my Seraphim story a feature instead of a series. He told me that by the end of the class he wants me to have a finished "treatment" this is basically a more in depth synopsis and outline before a screenplay is made for a feature film for pitching. He told me once it is done, he wants to show it to his agent and see if he is interested in taking me on to pitch it! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! Even if it doesn't work out that is like the HUGEST compliment I could ever hope to have! This COULD potentially be big, but I don't want to get ahead of myself. He thinks that my story is one of the most unique fantasy stories he has heard. I am truly excited to hopefully share this story with the world because it is close to my heart and I think holds a lot of lessons and weight for our world :) Will let you know more as it unfolds!

-Shottsy