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My disbelief
13 years ago
My mother hopes I will find God one day, as it has always brought her peace and comfort and whatnot. This makes me uncomfortable, to be honest.
The last couple of months have been exceptionally church-involved for me, with funeral and baptism, and the topic of faith has come up often. To me, the whole deal just passed along with believing in Santa, and I might just be a nihilist in a lonely meaningless universe (I will go to church and sing along, but I wont pretend to pray or take blessings or anything - don't want to stand there and lie.)
My roomie is a Christian as well, with creationism and everything, but we don't really argue about it. I think it's weird because I know the bible (...and the biology book) quite a bit more than her... but then reading the bible is what made me stop believing in the first place. I can't really deny the powerful experiences she's had, but they aren't my experiences anyway.
I guess it's also okay if someone comes around to comfort me with "your dad is in heaven now" or "I'll pray for your family", which is very nice of you, but again I'm not sure how much sense that makes. People live on inside us and between us, that's about it. The world is of course ripe with people being absolutely stupid in the name of a god, but that's actually beside the point I'm trying to make, the point that none of this makes any sense to me.
Meh. I do recognize the spirituality of man, which I think is very cool... but I think where others might see SUPERNATURAL!! I see somesort of collective unconscious thing going on. I think that's why I find mysticism and the description of God found in texts such as the Judas gospel to make much more sense to me. I can see some really big connections in everything. I like playing with the idea of religion as a story theme too.
To myself... we aren't here for a reason. Things only have the meaning we give them.
That thought is depressing and liberating at the same time.
The last couple of months have been exceptionally church-involved for me, with funeral and baptism, and the topic of faith has come up often. To me, the whole deal just passed along with believing in Santa, and I might just be a nihilist in a lonely meaningless universe (I will go to church and sing along, but I wont pretend to pray or take blessings or anything - don't want to stand there and lie.)
My roomie is a Christian as well, with creationism and everything, but we don't really argue about it. I think it's weird because I know the bible (...and the biology book) quite a bit more than her... but then reading the bible is what made me stop believing in the first place. I can't really deny the powerful experiences she's had, but they aren't my experiences anyway.
I guess it's also okay if someone comes around to comfort me with "your dad is in heaven now" or "I'll pray for your family", which is very nice of you, but again I'm not sure how much sense that makes. People live on inside us and between us, that's about it. The world is of course ripe with people being absolutely stupid in the name of a god, but that's actually beside the point I'm trying to make, the point that none of this makes any sense to me.
Meh. I do recognize the spirituality of man, which I think is very cool... but I think where others might see SUPERNATURAL!! I see somesort of collective unconscious thing going on. I think that's why I find mysticism and the description of God found in texts such as the Judas gospel to make much more sense to me. I can see some really big connections in everything. I like playing with the idea of religion as a story theme too.
To myself... we aren't here for a reason. Things only have the meaning we give them.
That thought is depressing and liberating at the same time.
Personally I respect the desire to want to feel a higher power than yourself in the universe, and to see the wonder in it all, but I personally think that there's a whole lot of wonder out there without having to think that "god did it", and the idea that there's another life after that in 'heaven' makes this life seem far less important and special.
I think we're living in an exciting time of cultural progress though. It wasn't so long ago that it was acceptable to burn heretics.
For me personally since becoming a Christian a LOT in my life has gotten better, though it's still not easy, though it's not always the same experience for everyone.
The world is the world, the rest is interpretation.
Or so I believe.
I also had Mormonism try to be shoved down my throat, but I just downright rejected it.
I became interested in the afterlife and what really might happen.
I do believe in the spiritual world, I have experienced it and talked to some spirits. None of that holding hands and stuff. It happened in between dream state and wakening state.
But the one reason why i threw away Christianity and Mormonism is because the idea of all evil being wiped out just doesn't make since. Is like taking darkness away, if you take darkness away then you take out light with it at the same time. The same goes for good and evil, you take out evil you wipe out good as well, and the only thing you have left is mindless beings. If that's the case I'd prefer to be in hell because at least my freedom won't be taken away.
anyways, I did look up several stories from different people that were declared dead and came back to life hours later, all I can say the Universe itself is very much alive and cares for all of its life (energy) and therefore it recycles itself. We have probably lived a hundred other times that we just cannot recall due to our memories being lost in the previous life.
That's my belief, and I did not intend to offend anyone with this comment.
:3
Do I feel the need to shove that down someone's throat? No way, its something I ponder about and really I see no use for it to anyone -but- me. God to me has never been someone you ask to fix your problems, or pray to when shit is rough and he'll help you out. I have always believed that god gave us a unique power to help ourselves, gave us a unique ability to tap the forces he himself makes use of, and in that sense we are sort of gods children. For all we know we are the heirs to god's kingdom. Who knows?
I always feel bad when I hear that someone is being dragged through the motions and they're displeased with it. Someday when I have children I'll be careful to be sensitive to that in my own kid, if their heart isn't in it than they don't have to come along. If they don't believe, then I won't beat them over the head with it. I hope that in time people will kind of let it go for you so that you can focus on what's in front of you instead of that good ol' christian guilt.