My Etsy shop, in part, has been what I needed to start feeling better about my artwork again. I'm not so much excited that I'm getting money out of it, because, really, I hate money and wish it didn't have to exist, but rather, I'm excited to find that people actually care for my artwork and like it enough to have it in their own house (and, yeah, had to exchange their hard-earned cash to get it there, I guess). I had lost that satisfaction for a while, and felt rather discouraged about my own work in general. I'd walk around the halls of Kendall and see amazing paintings, sculptures, and illustrations, and overhear fellow students exclaiming over so many lovely pieces, and then I'd compare all of that to what I heard about my own stuff.... Which, of course, wasn't nearly of the same volume as the cumulative body of student work. It made me feel like I really was only making pieces just for myself. Maybe it's stupid to need public approval of my work to feel like it's worthwhile, but oftentimes that's just how it goes for me.

Finding the furry fandom got me enthused about making artwork to begin with, but it hasn't sustained my enthusiasm. I adore the friends I've made because of it, most certainly, and am grateful for the social connections. However, I believe my unwillingness to be an artist of yiffy work keeps the popular approval I seek (within the fandom) at bay. I've long needed to branch out beyond my comfort zone of furry work, but have been in denial about it. I wanted to be one who was popular just for their skills. Worrying about what is marketable within this fandom gave me reason to limit myself, both conceptually and with the production of physical works. Branching out from just furry work seems too blatantly obvious now.

I'm getting deeper into my schooling, and with working for the school's galleries, am finding more inspiration to become an exhibiting artist myself. I love setting up shows and doing behind-the-scenes work for them; I didn't expect to find that. It was just a paycheck at first. I'd do it for free now.
Not that I expect our application to get picked, but some friends and I put in an proposal for a collaborative gallery show for next semester. The idea that a collection of my work will be available for viewing, beyond just computer screens across the internet, is thrilling. I've not shown my work since high school. That was almost 10 years ago.

Always scraping for money to feed myself and my animals, pay rent, and keep electricity running sucks, but it is far more bearable when the art I work on pays me back with such satisfaction. I'm excited for the ideas I have in my head for future pieces/installations, but I just don't have enough time to get to everything I want to make. I wanted to find another job to make ends meet once the semester's over, but really, that's not very true to myself, and where I'd like to make my art be. I'm going to college to be supported by what I can make, hopefully, not just to beef up my hobby. I don't want to make art on the side and be a factory worker again (though in hindsight, I enjoyed that too, actually).
As long as I can scrounge up money for basic needs, being a "starving artist" feeds me in a more fulfilling way than a fat bank account does. Making art was once the greatest happiness I knew, and I'm relieved to start finding that again!